Flexing your Positivity Muscle...Flex, Flex, Flex!

After finishing up with a few clients the other day, I noticed a theme that was relevant to all of them – it’s so easy to slip into seeing our lives in a negative way but upon a closer look, is your life really a chaotic mess.

Yes, we can talk about all the reasons why our lives suck, why we should feel anxious, why we should feel unworthy, unattractive, etc. Essentially, the more we do this, the more we end up flexing our negativity muscle. The negativity muscle is the muscle that we flex when we keep telling ourselves that we are unworthy, not good enough, an idiot, not smart enough etc. We’ve gotten so  good at telling ourselves all the reasons why we are unworthy that when someone asks us, ‘Why are you smart?’ or ‘Why are you sexy?’, we don’t know how to respond because we are not used to flexing our positive muscle(s). Like any gym bunny, you can’t avoid working leg day or else after awhile you might look a little strange The same goes for your positivity muscle, you might not want to flex it, but you need to in order to have a truly balanced and fulfilling life. Think about what’s positive in you and your life right now. It might be as simple as feeling lucky or happy that you have a pet and that you just had food to eat. This muscle might be hard to flex at first but the more you flex it, the more you’ll you see the good in you and your life. Your mind will start to flow with more good vibes, creating a balance between positive and the negative thoughts and feelings. Of course you need the negative or fear-based thoughts as those might serve to protect or humble you in some way.

So I challenge you to flex the positive muscle more than the negative muscle. We need an optimistic mind set to see that our lives are genuinely more positive than negative. Why not show others and the world that life can really be great? If you feel resistant towards flexing this positivity muscle you might be experiencing an overload of strength in your negativity muscles, so I urge you to make haste and take your mind for a positive workout. The more you build strength in positivity, the healthier you and your relationships will be. Once the positivity muscle is strong, you will experience the magic of living in an abundant mind set where you will keep on attracting an overflow of amazing people, things, etc. into your life.

Uncertainty – how it affects your life and what to do about it?

Uncertainty – how it affects your life and what to do about it?

Recently I chatted to Shama Dhanani, soul coach and success shaman, about how uncertainty affects our lives and what to do about it. The one thing about uncertainty is that it is certain. So with this in mind, how can you find flow within the idea that change is constant?

Back in October last year, I experienced a strong feeling of uncertainty with a friendship and where I stood with the people I have been closest to. I wanted my friends to throw me a birthday party and because nobody was throwing me one, I felt a lack of confidence of where I stood in connection to my friends. And because nobody was really saying anything, I started filling in the blanks and making assumptions about my friendships, thinking that nobody wanted to celebrate with me. When you experience uncertainty in your life, it’s so easy to start to fill in blanks with assumptions – it’s like our brain takes uncertainty and turns it into a huge dramatic story. But the more and more we approach uncertainty, the more we learn how to not let it become a destructive force.

Shama shared her story of uncertainty of when she was working in corporate America and she had to transition from this space into a more entrepreneurial space. For her this was a forced choice at the time. 3-5 years ago the universe threw her into a space of needing to make a choice, which obviously created a lot of uncertainty.

No matter what role you play in the world – whether you’re a manager, employee, working mom or someone who has been in a consistent space for a long time, there have still been changes during those times…and like we’ve said – where there is change, there will be uncertainty. But with each time we manage through change, we evolve and the way we approach change becomes more sophisticated as we learn more tools to deal with change. These tools also help us leap-frog the monkey mind that fills in the blanks, and get to what’s really going on.

Uncertainty can also lead us into freeze mode if we let it. But if you listen to what’s underneath uncertainty, you can realign yourself with what’s true for you and not make decisions that ultimately don’t align with you. Freeze mode comes in many forms – procrastination, doubts, and excuses. It’s helpful to notice when you’re starting to freeze so that you can locate where it is happening in your body and NOT let it spread. Listening to your body can help give you a road map of where to go – especially listening to emotions! For example, if you’re angry that someone is achieving x, y and z in their life and you feel anger, this anger is showing you a mirror of what you actually desire. In a sense the anger helps you get real with what you want.

If you’re expanding in your life in any way, this expansion opens up space for a lot of uncertainty! Then of course there is more space for uncertainty to get in and poke at you and that’s when freeze mode is likely to kick in. The more you listen to your body and feelings, the more clues you will get to guide you in an authentic direction. The poking and uncertainty are in essence messengers to help you move through the uncertainty.

Shama and I will be running workshops in New York and Philadelphia, focusing on providing tools to guide you through uncertainty. Shama will be giving us a taste of hypnotherapy and soul coaching while I will be using a moving meditation in salt to get deeper into what’s going on for you.

Click to join a workshop this February in New York (25 February) or Philadelphia (26 February)

Putting Yourself First with Shama Dhanani

I was delighted to have a conversation recently with Shama Dhanini recently. Shama is a hypno-soul coach who helps people overcome procrastination and self-doubt to move into clarity and confident action. Our conversation was around how we sometimes get pushed lower and lower on our own priority list. Occasionally we prioritize our own to-do lists over ourselves. When this happens, how do we put ourselves first in a way that serves you and those around you?

Shama’s story: Burnout 2017

I like to keep on top of things as it energizes me to some degree - a part of me likes being on the ball, but there is also another part that doesn’t. At the end of last year I found myself chasing my to-do list, trying to prioritize social gatherings and my birthday that was coming soon – forgetting to carve out some relaxation time in the process. Eventually, doing too much at once led me to getting sick, burned out and unable to even make the fun social gatherings. Once I realized what I had been doing to myself, I used hypnosis in order to set up tools and practices that would help me maintain a routine of prioritizing me. When one is in a hypnotized state (homeostasis) or in deep meditation they are calm, which is the perfect space to make rational, healthy decisions. In this space, you are not constantly keeping up with a list. From a more relaxed place, I found that I could make better decisions and actually get more done than what I thought I was doing before. Because my body is relaxed in this state, it ends up working with me, not against me. I ended up reducing stress, getting the same amount of work done and enjoying my life experiences just by changing the way I physically and emotionally approach my work.

Hypnosis is basically a focused meditation where patterns of thinking and feeling can be changed by bypassing the ego and working within the subconscious mind, which influences 95% of the actions that you take in life. Homeostasis is when your body is deeply relaxed – it is the opposite of the ‘fight or flight’ mode of operating. When you’re stuck in fight or flight mode it’s difficult to see beyond your current circumstances and unfortunately it’s easy to get stuck here. A simple conversation or a trip to the grocery store can easily put us in a fight or flight state – showing just how powerful our subconscious can be.

Carlee’s story: The Birthday Disaster of 2017

I wanted to do everything for my birthday last year as I was turning 25! It felt like a big deal. I got upset because nobody was throwing me a birthday party, and from this place I started feeling like nobody loves me. At the time I ended up seeing a Facebook post that basically depicted that, ‘If you want somebody to love you, love yourself in the same way’. So with bravado I thought let me throw myself my own friggin’ birthday party! I had spent two months leading up to my birthday working really hard with helping people, managing a relationship and putting in a lot of effort for friends’ birthdays so when it came to my birthday, I felt entitled to really HAVE a birthday. I was in a place of feeling a sense of scarcity of love and connection. I was basically in a desperate space of fight or flight. When I was confronted by loved ones about what is going on, I came to a realization that I was giving from an empty cup. I'm not much of a fan of the cup analogy as it implies that one should fill their cup only once in a while. Up until this birthday disaster, I was living my life with a massage once in a while and a day off every few weeks. Putting yourself as priority is envisioning your life as a funnel, rather than a cup, where things are constantly coming in and going out so it’s important what you put in. So from now on I have ‘Sloth Sundays’ where it’s compulsory for me to not do any work or activities that I don’t want to do!

Tips to put yourself first from Shama & I:

1.       You have permission to put yourself first because if you don’t nobody else will. It is also your responsibility to put yourself first.

2.       Engage in hypnosis and/or a morning meditation practice to prevent the fight or flight response from taking over you. Doing this in the morning starts the day off in a peaceful way, setting the standard for the day.

3.       Take care of your body. Prioritize ‘me time’ every month. Whether you take a day off for the spa or to have a chill day, take the time to rejuvenate your body.

4.       Reward yourself – treat yourself to something as a way to encourage self-acknowledgment and to keep going.

5.       Be Creative. Fuel your soul with something creative. You don’t have to be an artist to paint or a musician to write songs.

Shama and I have collaborated and come up with a 3 hour workshop on putting yourself first, managing your to-do list so you’re not overwhelmed and getting yourself out of any limiting thoughts and beliefs that keep you stuck. The workshop will include hands on work, a moving meditation and hypnosis. Join this workshop to create new patterns and actually move forward with your dreams and desires. Also experience and differentiate between what you think you want from what you actually want.

Click to join a workshop this February in New York or Philadelphia.

Simple Tips to Turn your Mood around

Turning your mood around can prove very difficult when you’re in a dark and negative space. You might feel like your life has turned to shit and you don’t know how to get out of this space. On a cognitive level, you probably know what you need to do to move out of this kind of space - eat healthy, apply for new jobs, etc. but all you can feel is weight, dread and heaviness in your body. If you can identify with this, I would like to offer you two simple tools to help you move forward.

It’s a simple tool that I learned at the Wanderlust Festival, a mindful Triathlon. The best way to shift from those feelings of dread is to get into your body and move it from there. The specific tool that I learned at this festival is full blown belly laughter! So when you’re feeling a little crazy and can’t get out of your dread, get into your belly and just laugh! Now I am not talking about a meek little haha laugh from your mouth, I am talking about serious belly laughter. This way of laughing helps you to shift negative thought patterns. All you do is conjure up a haha from your belly up to your mouth-combining sound with breath. Keep repeating it until it becomes organic – and trust me it does! You can start with a simple Ha that comes from your belly and build it up to a Hahaha. You might find this a bit of a quirky, weird out-there tip but I can guarantee that you will feel results.

If the belly laugh is not for you try my next tip…

If you find yourself in a low space, repeat a specific word over and over again. This a psychologically tested method that proves that you can shift your mood instantly with this simple tool. When your thoughts are going around and you’re repeating past situations or conversations that are pulling you down, say the word Boing. What this does is shift your mind from a place of ‘fight or flight’ into a place of calm, abundance or the place where you want to be. Try It!

If you feel stuck, anxious and uncertain of where to go next with your life, let’s have a conversation to see how I can guide and help you get your mojo back. Book an appointment with me HERE.

Making friends with your Inner Drama Queen

We have all had experience with that inner drama queen or king that constantly plays in our minds, saying things like: ‘I am not attractive or smart enough’ or ‘Why would anybody like me?’ The theme of having this ‘unstoppable’ negative inner voice has come up a lot in my workshops and with some of my clients. Many people want to know how they can make it stop or go away, but in reality wishing it away is not the key to making you feel better.

There’s this analogy often used in the world of personal development to help people better understand and minimize or even heal this crappy inner voice- the voice I like to call my inner drama queen. Imagine this voice as a child that needs to be comforted and told that everything is going to be okay. If you picture this voice as a child, would you yell, scream or get frustrated with her or him? Not likely. If a child came up to you on a playground and said that the other children don’t think they’re pretty or smart enough, how would you respond? Likely you wouldn’t say, ‘You always say this or do this and you’re not pretty or smart enough!’. Unfortunately, more times than not, this is how we sometimes respond to ourselves.

Next time you feel down and start to hear this negative inner voice, try respond to it as if it were a child. Tell her/him that it’s okay and find a way to comfort and reassure the child in a positive way. You can add that it’s okay to make mistakes so just keep going and don’t beat yourself up. These days many of us beat ourselves up – one thought can trigger a whole spiral of internal torture. The tool of using a child as a representative of your inner voice creates some healthy space and perspective between you and this inner drama queen or king. If you imagine this voice as a child, it’s simpler to comfort and nurture this part of you. The more you do this, the less loud this voice becomes. If a child came up to you screaming, you wouldn’t scream back to console the child – you would most likely hold, comfort and soothe the child. So, instead of screaming or shouting down this inner voice, find a way to encourage and uplift this voice in order to cut any possibility of escalating self- torture.

Good-Luck! Check out when my next Feeling Salty workshops are to step into your best self and live the life you dream of!

Teaching Others How To Love You

On my 25th birthday last year I had a bit of a crisis - I hadn’t had a birthday party in a long time and was really longing for someone to throw me one. I felt really lonely, negative and down because nobody was throwing me a party! Eventually, after spending some time throwing myself a pity party, I was able to get back into a space of gratitude where I realized something important.

If we want someone or people to love us in a certain way, you first have to be the person that shows them how to love you. People are not mind readers so you cannot expect someone to just know how to love you. My best friend has almost hit the nail on the head but not even she knew that I wanted a birthday party. Instead of moping around and assuming that people don’t love me because they’re not throwing me a birthday party, I decided to show my people how to love me. Not only was I going to show them how to love me, I was going to show MYSELF how to love me…so I threw myself a birthday party. Okay, I was still a little bit sulky, but the experience taught me a lot about myself!

Teaching yourself and others how to love you is a process of communicating this in the moments where you feel the love. For example, one of my love languages is physical touch so when I give someone a hug and tell them that I love them, they learn that that’s how I express love. By expressing how you want to be loved you empower others with the capacity and capability to love you. So if you’re feeling lonely, then it’s time to love yourself first and challenge yourself to communicate with your people about how you want to be loved.

At the end of the day I threw myself a birthday party and decided to spend sometime throughout the week nurturing my relationship with myself. For you, it might be something similar or completely different. What is it that you need or want to feel loved? It could be a bouquet of flowers, some time in a bubble bath or more support in certain areas of your life. Ultimately you are the guide!

Get your life together without all the drama

I recently had my last call with a client who just completed my private coaching program and, boy, am I so excited for her. In just a few months she has managed to transform every area of her life. If you look at the wellness wheel, you can see that she has transformed in every category of the wheel. What struck a chord for me is that each person that I have worked with took time to transition to where they want to be. It has not been an overnight quick fix or a big dramatic change, but rather a subtle shift in thinking, doing and being that has brought about authentic transformation. In my last blog, “Challenging Yeah, but…’ Excuses”, I spoke about making two second micro-bravery decisions in order to make the changes that you want to see in your life. This is all it takes – a brief moment of deciding that this is what I can change and I am going to do it (gosh dang it)!

There is so much to be said about having a to-do list. We all have a to-do list, some are longer than others. But this list can sometimes get overwhelming if you haven’t crossed enough things off your list, leading you towards beating yourself up about the fact that you haven’t done enough on your list. The difference between people who get their life together and those who don’t is that the person who chooses growth takes time to stop and celebrate the ‘small’ tasks and victories that they have accomplished. The more you celebrate the little things, the more you reinforce and catalyse positive growth. My client regularly celebrates the little tasks and steps that she has taken and doing this over the past few months has dramatically shifted all areas of her life for good.

It’s all about growth a little bit at a time. Take some time to celebrate when you complete something on your to-do list. Basking in celebration creates more positivity and ability to continue living your heart’s desire and letting your soul thrive. If this resonated with you, please do share it as it will likely resonate with others.

Join my next Feeling Salty workshop to step into your best self and let go of the baggage!

Challenging 'Yeah, but...' Excuses!

Many of us experience whirling thoughts around the idea that we can never have our dream life. You might find yourself saying: I want to do this but I can never do it because X, Y & Z, [insert fears, comfort zone, excuses]. We all have dreams but sometimes we’re actually afraid of them. We’re afraid of quitting that job to be an artist, we’re afraid to take our business to the next level or we’re afraid to tell someone how we really feel. This has come up for me many times and my clients have expressed the desire to live the life that they crave but not knowing how to get there. Ultimately, our excuses and ‘yeah, buts…’ are preventing us from living the life that we really want. From mine and some of my client’s experiences, what it boils down to is a 2 second decision.

What came up for me the other day is that I want to be able to help more people but I don’t have the time, my excuse being that I just don’t have the time. I have been using this excuse for quite a while, but if I look closely I can actually create the time. My 2 second decision was to re-arrange my schedule and make the time. There is no such thing as not enough time, it’s all about our priorities and what we choose to prioritize. There is no such thing as not enough money too! The 2 second decision is a micro-bravery step that we can take to help shift our lives so that we can step into the person that we want to be. My story was that I don’t have enough time, but all I had to do was shift one thing on my schedule and voila, there was more time!

What stops us from living our ideal is getting caught up in our fear and anxiety! When we’re stuck in this space, it’s difficult to see the 2 second decision or solution that’s in front of us. I challenge you to look at what your excuses are: what is your ‘Yeah, but…’ and what could be your micro-bravery step to help you shift into the life that you want for yourself.

If you feel that this blog resonates with you, share it with your friends who might benefit from it too!

How to Receive Compliments

In society it seems like it’s the norm not to accept compliments. When someone pays us a compliment it generally feels weird, wrong, and awkward to accept it. Why aren’t we accepting compliments? What is in our upbringing, our past and society’s past that doesn’t allow us to receive compliments? I have been thinking a lot about this and reflecting on how one can get to a place where you’re comfortable with accepting compliments. So when someone tells you that you’re really smart or you did a good job, how can you accept this without being self-deprecating?

I experienced an ‘awkward’ compliment the other day where someone told me that I was wise.  I froze for a moment and responded ‘Oh you should see me in front of a taco bar!' - What a ridiculous response! I could have said ‘thank-you’ or ‘you’re so kind’, but no I went straight for the taco bar. I realized afterwards that I could have accepted the compliment with so much more grace. I know this happens a lot to people. Someone will tell you that you’re beautiful or intelligent and the immediate response is to say something really horrible about yourself.

The first step to really accept compliments, and being okay with being great, is to start practicing complimenting yourself. Our inner voice can really trick us sometimes by telling us that we are not anything great – ‘you’re not smart, you’re not intelligent, you’re not beautiful, you’re not wise’. It boils down to looking at yourself and admitting that ‘Yeah, I am smart!’ and accepting that it’s part of your essence. Committing to NOT self-deprecating when someone pays you a compliment is the next step towards receiving one. When you hear your critical voice playing up, count down from 5 to 1, give yourself a compliment and accept it with as much ease and grace as you can. This will get you into a space where when a compliment comes from the outside world, you can begin to fully receive it and feel good about it.

We all have goals that we want to reach and when we reach our goals it might feel like an anti-climax. It’s kind of the same with compliments. You might want compliments but when they actually are being given, you want to run away and hide from the attention. Developing a practice of complimenting yourself and falling in love with yourself will give you the grace to believe the compliments when you receive them.

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Take off those Rose Colored Glasses

It’s really easy and to some extent automatic to put on Rose colored glasses or even Crap colored glasses as filters to view the situations in our lives. Life is nothing more than the filter which we put over what our reality is. For example, a water bottle could be green in reality but if I put a filter in front of it, it will turn purple. It’s the same thing in our reality and relationships. You may lose a job and the filter that you put in front of you could be loss, social & financial destruction, homelessness, etc. However, in reality the loss of the job could be totally different – you might have more time to start your business or apply for the job that is going to fulfill you and help you get to where you want to be.

When it comes to religion, we all know that there are different faiths that believe in ‘different Gods’. Imagine if we had to put on a filter that showed us that all these ‘different Gods’ are actually the same God? If one person perceives God or a higher power in one way and someone else has a different filter or perception of this power, how do these people connect and/or clash. This concept of filters can also be applied to relationships – you might be head over heels about someone and not see that they’re treating you poorly. A big concept to take the filter off is the concept of our future! Thinking about your future, can you sit in the present moment and take off whatever filter it is that you have and connect and commit to the future that you’re destined to have (this doesn't mean simply sitting on your ass or being a workaholic either).

Where in your life are you putting on the rose colored glasses or the crap colored glasses? Where are you being pessimistic or optimistic? Where are we pretending to be a realist when we’re actually being really negative? Where are we pretending to be an optimist and actually just denying reality? The point of asking yourself these questions is to allow yourself to fully experience moments as they are without judgement or stories.

If you are feeling disconnected or confused about where you put up filters or you would like to connect on this topic, feel free to set up a time to talk with me HERE!

The Power of Pausing

I had a very constructive day today where I was able to get a lot of business and personal work done. At some point I had a moment where I needed to sit and pause, so I got out my art as a way for me to pause and process.  As I was beginning to get into it I saw that Monica Shah was going live on Facebook. I found this funny because I had just implemented an exercise from Monica’s book titled ‘Pause’. I often do exercises from the book every time I am feeling stuck so I felt inspired to share a little bit around the concept of pausing.

How many of us are just going and going without taking a pause? How often do you bounce from tasks in the name of getting things done? How many moments are we taking in our lives to just ‘be’, re-connect and re-charge ourselves? The idea behind taking a pause is to create a life that is more abundant for you, create opportunities to make more money and/or create the opportunity to find the relationship that you want. In the pause space you can do what you want – whether it’s creating art, sitting in the garden or reading something inspirational. Pausing is not a once off occasion, it is a regular practice to re-nourish and rejuvenate you.

‘One moment can change a day, one day can change a life, one life can change the world’ -Buddha. Finding regular moments of pausing can lift noise from your mind and situations, giving one clearer perspective as well as the power to change what one can. If you are looking for more direct, one on one support and you’re not sure where to go in your work, home, or relationship situations it’s definitely time for us to connect. You can connect with me HERE.

PS: I would highly recommend Monica Shah’s Book ‘Pause – 52 questions that lead to more money and time’.

Stop Compartmentalizing your Authentic Self & Live Your Best Life!

I spoke to two of my clients today – back to back, and the same exact thing came up for both of them. I found this fascinating as it shows that we all go through things that are very similar. What my clients have been experiencing is the feeling of having two different versions of themselves inside. Often times we have the version that is scared, afraid and lacking in confidence and we have the version who is open, expansive, confident, in love with themselves and knows who they are.

We’re constantly looking for approval but we tend to go to the wrong people for this. Instead of going to the confident, authentic and open person we go looking for approval from the person that is hiding and afraid. It’s interesting that we go to this place of feeling ‘not enough’ to look for approval and end up chasing other people for it when all we really want is approval from ourselves. We don’t actually care if our dad doesn’t like us or if our boss thinks we did a good job. What we actually care about is how we feel about ourselves – waking up each morning feeling like we are actually living authentically.

A lot of us have these different versions of ourselves hiding within us and it seems more often than not that the vulnerable, afraid version tends to be the one that we live in the most. This version is the ‘lack’ and ‘fear’ that we let drive our lives. Then we’ve got this other version which is actually us, the version that is in our heart. This version is our confident, authentic self. The fear will likely always be there, but our confident, authentic self can always shine through and take the lead. The authentic version of me is the Carlee who works in the studio, loves to dance, loves to create and is present in each and every moment. At times the other fear version of me comes up to tell me to ‘Watch out! You can’t be too authentic, what about money?!, what about that fat on your stomach, what about that tragedy that might happen?’. This fear voice is often really a mirage and it takes our authentic self to be present to realize this.

We always say what we want to be: more of this and more of that, but technically we already are all of that inside of us! The problem is that we let fear override this because we get too comfortable in this version and forget about what’s truly inside our hearts. With the two clients I spoke with earlier, they have separated and boxed their authentic/confident self from their fear/lack version of themselves. So in their authentic/confident box is where all their passions and creative talents lie. This box tends to be shoved to the side, while the fear/lack box wreaks havoc. We’ve compartmentalized our authentic self and buried it so that it’s so separate from all areas of our lives resulting in us not truly knowing who we are.

With my clients, they feel that they have these two different personalities that are so separate but need to be merged to create this new self. In order to do this, getting in touch with one’s true desires and passions and using these as a compass is a good start. Listening to what you really want whether it’s to travel, dance, lose weight, create a garden, etc. is a guideline to what’s already in you. It’s all already there, it’s just the fear/lack version holding you back.

Where in your life have you compartmentalized your authentic self and where can you integrate it into all other parts of your life? How can you be more authentic and let the person inside you that you’ve suppressed, come out and show you the life that you want to live?

If you resonate with the experience of feeling like you have compartmentalized your authentic self, I'd love to hear from you. 

I Forgive myself/you for not being perfect

I meditate every morning for 30 minutes to let my mind poop – letting shit-thoughts (you heard me right) be released. What came up for me this morning in my meditation is a word that is commonly heard in the world of self-help and personal development. The word is 'forgiveness.' Often times, the idea we associate with forgiveness is the idea that we are doing someone else a favor. 'I'm forgive you so we can move on'. The word ‘Forgive’ is about giving someone the gift of forgiving...or is it? 

The word 'forgive' can be broken down into two parts:

• ‘FOR’ – the idea of forgoing – you’re forgoing the problems, anxiety & worry. You’re forgoing and...
• ‘GIVING’ - the idea that you are giving yourself the opportunity to have peace of mind. You’re opening up doors to have a happy, calm mind and the gift of peace.

So in essence, perhaps we've had it wrong this whole time. Perhaps forgiving is not really about the other person. Perhaps it's that you’re FORgoing and GIVING yourself the gift of a beautiful state of mind.

To be clear, it’s not about letting the other person walk all over you and saying ‘I am going to forgive you for being a jerk.’ It’s about not letting the outside world ruin your happiness. The truth is that we cannot control the outside world (i.e. the jerk) but we can control whether we let the outside world influence our beautiful state of mind. With forgiveness, you forgo the worry and choose to forgive by letting go.

A lot of us like to hold onto the worry, pain or the grudge because it gives us some satisfaction. There is this idea that we need to hold onto negative energy to remind ourselves not to put ourselves in that situation again. You can still let go of the worry and anxiety and still trust that when jerks, worry or anxiety show up in the future you’ll be able to stand your ground and not put up with crap.

Forgiving is never about the other person, it’s about you. As much as we need to forgive other people, we need to constantly forgive ourselves on the daily. Forgive yourself for making that poor financial decision or forgive yourself for not loving yourself. I have had several clients who have expressed anger towards themselves because they don’t love themselves – they are mad that they’re mad or sad that they're sad (it's a weird a vicious cycle). Giving yourself the gift of forgiving yourself and saying that ‘I am 100% enough’ is the best gift that you can receive. Acknowledging that your past has served you and seeing it as a victory or a learning experience, gives you the freedom to live from your heart and love yourself more. 

Not sure where to go next? Let's chat.

Self-care vs Self-sabotage

I woke up this morning and experienced a dialogue with myself around whether I should get up and go for a run or sleep in. I recently injured my right wrist so I started making excuses that my arm will get hot and uncomfortable and why not just sleep in and rest, right?  Wrong!

In this moment I began to reflect on the theme of self-care versus self-sabotage. I came to realize that knowing the difference between self-care and self-sabotage is really important. Had I not gone on my run I would have missed out on the beautiful scenery – the water, nature and an art installation. I also would not have released endorphins that ultimately will uplift my mood for the day. I would have been lying in bed getting a half hour extra sleep and waking up feeling flat. Even though my right arm is injured, both my legs still work and my left arm is in its full capacity. So, no excuses. Really!

I want to ask you, are there places in your life where you are sabotaging yourself? Self-care can be hard sometimes. It’s the difference between hitting snooze and getting out of bed... it’s the difference between choosing a salad and choosing something else. So my question is, are you self-sabotaging because you ‘deserve it’? Are you disguising self-sabotage as self-care? This morning I got real with myself and decided no more excuses – It was time to get up and  go on a run. What do you need to wake up to, to take better care and nourish yourself?

How to release yourself from fear & anxiety

Many of us experience fear and anxiety around not being where we’d thought we’d be by now. Usually we fear stepping into our future – whether it’s a new job, taking steps to become the person that you want be, beginning/ending relationships or something else. The essence of the Fear and anxiety is around what is coming, i.e. your future. What are the things that you’re a little nervous or anxious about?

There is something really important when it comes to releasing fear and anxiety in our lives. I have a quote on my wall that says: ‘When you feel that anxiety, that means that you’re hitting your fear barrier and to grow you must plow through it’. If you are feeling that sense of fear, the first thing you need to do is get into action. If you are feeling anxiety, it means you’re not in action. For example if you feel fear around being stuck in a particular job forever, you need to do something in this moment to move yourself towards that next goal. In some of my talks, specifically a talk that I did at LA Fitness in Philadelphia, I offer a Left page/right page exercise. On the left page, you write what you want to step into and on the right side you put your excuse, your ‘Yeah, but…’.

For example: 

I want to be a physicist, or a lawyer

I want to start a family

I want to start exercising

I want to start my own business

I want to <fill in the blank>.

...I want to start a family, yeah but I can’t do X, Y, Z if I start one.

I want to travel, yeah but I don’t have enough time.

The whole left page of what we want to do are our action steps - it can be a stream of consciousness of a variety of things. These things may even be ‘weird’. One of mine was that I really wanted to dance in the park. I didn’t know why but I really wanted to. I put on the other side, ‘Yeah but people would think that I am weird’. Everything on the ‘Yeah but...’ page is the very reason we should do it. I really want to start a business, yeah but what about my children? Ironically, your children are the very reason that you should start your business (you don't want your children to feel like they can't leave out their dreams do you?). These excuses are exactly why you should be stepping into your highest calling.

The goal is to let go of the excuses and move forward. When we take action, all of that fear and anxiety is loosened and eventually released. The release is usually instantaneous even when you make a small gesture towards stepping into what you really want. Take that step, show up and you will free yourself from the cycle of fear and anxiety.

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When you take a Leap of Faith and you feel the universe doesn’t have your back

When you take a huge leap of faith and BAM you feel that the universe doesn’t have your back and you are facing challenges constantly, know that this is part of the process. It’s the ironic way the universe works sometimes. You might put all your time and energy into taking that first leap, you still need to take the 2nd and 3rd step, and TA-DA life throws you some curve balls.

When we take the first leap of faith in getting our lives together and adulting like a boss, whether it be joining a program, eating healthy or joining the gym, it often times feels like we get hit with shot after shot. The universe throws you extra expenses or your hours get cut at work or you get surprised by a health issue. A lot of us end up going right back to our comfort zone thinking that the universe is trying to tell us that we shouldn’t be taking that leap or listening to our hearts. But actually the universe is trying to challenge us in order to make us as strong as possible so that we can step into our goals and into the person that we want to become. So, it’s not actually about the first step. You might think you need to lose weight and eat better thus you go buy all sorts of healthy foods or throw away all the unhealthy food in your cupboard. This is you letting the universe know you are hungry (HA, get the pun?!). You're letting the universe know that you are ready to take the leap and transform. But at the end of the day, it's not just the food you need to work on...you need to deal with those unhealthy emotional eating habits; you need to address with your relationship with food. So what happens? The universe throws you a break-up so you have the opportunity to rise to the occasion and resist letting your emotions pick up another cookie for you. When we think the steps are a certain way, the universe shows us differently in order to strengthen the muscles that need work so that we have the motivation to become our highest self.

I have clients that are creatives and want to make their world more financially abundant. They sign up for the program and they lose a job or hours are cut. There are two things here. First thing, the universe is trying to up the motivation to get their artistic career off the ground and two, it's making sure that they have time to spend on their goals, dreams and aspirations. So instead of cornering ourselves into a place of fear and backing off, see that the universe is helping to create more time and motivation to get you where we you want to go.

I started going to yoga regularly and then I had a fall on my bike, leaving my left hand injured. I have all these goals for my life outside of yoga – business, relationships, health, self-care and more. The universe was like, ‘Hey I think it's time to focus on other things. You say you want to get your business off the ground, it’s okay to shift your focus and put a little more time on that’. It’s all about our focus and consistently shifting focus to create balance.

So you take a leap of faith and you lose the job or you go through an injury or a break up. Know that this is the universe making you stronger and making sure that you are ready to become the person that you’re destined to be. The universe is testing you to see if this is just another maybe or kinda: I kinda wanna quit this job or I kinda wanna be a yogi. The universe throws things at you so that you have the determination to rise, no matter what is coming your way. If we don’t do the heavy lifting of what the universe is throwing at as, we won’t become stronger. If you feel like you just took a leap and it didn’t work out or you feel that you want to take a leap and are scared, just know that there will likely be trials and tribulations but taking the leap can help you become the person that you want to be.

And know that I've got your back.

Let's continue the conversation.

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What to do when your loved ones don’t support your dreams

Your family and friends might support and love you but they might not feel like you’re making the best decisions for yourself. You’ve possibly been labelled as risky and irresponsible. They might say don’t start a business or you might lose all your money and end up homeless. Ultimately, they’re trying to protect you. It can be as big as starting a business to starting a new diet or taking a dance class. The answer I can give you to handling stresses of family or loved ones not supporting your decisions, is taking a step back and asking ‘Why aren’t they supporting this? Look at it from their perspective. You could be triggering something in them. Maybe they experienced financial hardship when they started their own business and they don’t want you to go through the same thing that they went through. Sometimes family might be straight up unsupportive because your success in threatening. Ask yourself if you need to share your goals and aspirations with this person or people or can you just do them. Do you really need their approval to step into your highest calling? In all cases you don’t actually need their approval.

I had a family member who didn’t approve of my business when I first started. They thought it was a crazy, irresponsible idea. For a long time I would speak about what I would do when I would make enough money in my business, who I would influence and what would I do when I was rich! It took my family a long time to come around but as I stepped into my highest calling and built my business, they started to say, ‘Hey, when you’re rich you owe me money’ instead of the dreaded 'if you're rich.' That was their way of trying to say that they finally believe in me. I had to stand up for my dreams and goals for a long time before I received my family’s support. Here’s the key – stand up for yourself! Not necessarily in a confrontational way but in a way of taking a stand  and taking ownership for what your heart is calling you to do.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are people who don’t want you to succeed. I had a partner who did not support my business and who thought I was being too masculine and too much of a go-getter. I had to realize that my dreams and goals were bigger than this relationship. I am not saying that you have to let go of a relationship – if you’re supposed to be together, it will work and your partner will come around. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone or allow it to become a whole big drama. You don’t need to ask for permission to start that dance class or step into your bigger calling. A lot of us make a mistake by asking for permission when we don’t actually need permission. If you need permission, I am giving you permission to give yourself permission.

One of the top 5 regrets of people who are on their death bed is regret for the things that they never did and the dreams that they never pursued. The people who don’t approve will come into alignment in their own time...It's all in divine timing. In the meantime I'd say it's time to step and lean into what you really want and start living your best life!

The Myth that Self-care will leave us alone and unhappy

I’ve noticed a common fear with many of my clients and a lot of people out there. Many people fear that if they take care of themselves AKA fuel their creative soul, they’re going to end up alone and isolated. They fear that if they get into their artistic flow, which can be better than sex believe it or not, they’ll become so blissed out and even forget about time and other responsibilities. This crosses the board beyond being creative or artistic. This fear holds an underlying belief that taking time for ourselves or doing something small for ourselves will somehow leave us unhappy and alone. We assume that we’ll be neglecting the people that we care most about and that people will get mad at us.

Personally I can relate. There’s a weird myth that once you go into self-care mode, you’ll never get yourself out. I see the whole picture as a bubble bath analogy. You’ll never take a bubble bath and say, ‘I am going to take a bubble bath tonight but I am terrified that I’ll be alone and my friends and family will stop loving me and I’ll be really unhappy. I’ll forget that there’s an outside world’. You wouldn’t say this about a bubble bath right? But this is literally the thought process that for some reason comes up when we talk about self-care. If you want to spend the day cleaning space, getting nails done, getting into studio etc., you’re not going to forget that there is an outside world. You might miss a meal because you’re in flow and excited, but you’re not going to forget about the other parts of your life. If you’re an artist, creative or just a person trying to find some time for yourself and you feel like you’re going to be alone and unhappy because you do this, I challenge you to connect with the bubble bath analogy. You’re not going to sit in the bubble bath and forget about the people you love or the relationships that you have to build and nurture. You’re going to be in the bath and enjoy it for between 15 – 30 minutes. If you go beyond that time you’ll start to see the crinkles in your fingers and most likely decide that it’s a good time to get out, dry off and get back to your life. You’ll even feel rejuvenated after your bath!

When I was in Florida 2 weeks ago, I took 2 extra days to chill and do nothing. Literally after 1.5 days of enjoying this, I wanted to get back to work and re-engage with my clients and the world. There’s a point where we need to recharge our batteries and trust that we’ll get the urge and remember to do what we need to do to balance ourselves out. I want to debunk the fable that if we go on vacation we’ll never want to come back or if you are in studio you’re going to come out 3 days later like a gremlin. You’ll eventually get that feeling that you get when your fingers crinkle in the bubble bath – you’ll want to get back to your life and you’ll get back to it feeling more energized, productive and balanced. So go and take that bubble bath or your version of it. I urge you. Go!

'I am a Money Magnet' Challenge

My business coach is great at changing peoples’ money mind set, getting them to the next level in their business and guiding them to a place of saying no to things, and yes to things, in order to make business effective and lucrative. One of the things that eventually rubbed off on me from my business coach is having ‘Gratitude’ towards money. Instead of seeing money as this evil or filthy thing, I have chosen to see money with an attitude of gratitude.

I started this thing where whenever I see a penny on the street, I would get really excited. Old Carlee would just see a penny and keep walking. New Carlee now stops, picks up the penny, proclaims that, ‘I am a money Magnet’, does a little dance and pops it in her pocket. My friends do think I am a bit weird when I do this but it’s gotten to the point that every time I find some money on the ground, I start attracting more money in my business. And although my friends have given me funny looks when I do my money dance in public, they too have begun to notice when they find money in ‘random’ places. I literally received a message from my sister about an hour ago saying ‘I am a Money Magnet’.

The gesture of showing gratitude towards even the smallest penny, is showing the universe that I like and appreciate money. The universe sees that I like to get money so that I can also give it. We often show gratitude for the big things in our lives, yet we forget about the so called smaller things as small as a penny. The more we show gratitude, the more we open up to receiving more. In my Message from the Dime in the Asphalt blog post, I spoke about how not every dime is meant for us, so there is no point in digging for dimes stuck in the asphalt. In order to not get stuck in trying to pick up all the dimes, you need to recognize when to pursue money and when not to. Gratitude can still be applied here by thanking the Universe for showing you when to pursue and when not to pursue money.

So my challenge for you this week is for you to experiment with the way that you look at money. Check in with yourself what the emotional reaction is whenever you find money whether it be dime, penny or $100. Whatever the reaction, address it with gratitude. Override any negative feelings, do a little dance and acknowledge that ‘I am a money magnet’. Find a way to show gratitude that is authentic for you and gets you excited and grateful. The results will be pleasantly surprising!

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Soak or Scrub: How do you Handle your Problems?

In a rush to get to Maryland from Philadelphia, I ended up leaving my baked bean residue infused pan to soak. I was in a rush, so I thought that at least let me soak the pot because of course it needs to soak before it gets washed and I don’t have time to wait for it to finishing soaking - Right? Well, this was the excuse that I told myself. The result of ‘letting it soak’ was that when I returned 3 days later the stink in my apartment was overwhelming!

I found this experience a superb analogy of how we sometimes deal with our problems. You might be having relationship issues, so you go on a 3 day vacation away from your partner only to come back to a stinky apartment – the problem started off as baked bean residue but now it’s full on seeping through the air and you’re stuck with a mouldy dish. Letting it soak is sometimes a band- aid solution to a deeper wound. Ironically, when you walk back into the stink, you ask yourself ‘Why didn’t I deal with this problem earlier? Why didn’t I just wash the pot?’ In my case, I have a dishwasher – I could have just rinsed the pot and put it in! I literally had the perfect tool to wash my pot but I didn’t use it.

Different problems demand different solutions – some need a little soak and some need to be scrubbed hard, NOW! The trick is to be honest with yourself with which approach is needed on a moment to moment basis. If you are always letting your problems soak – you’re going to be left with a huge mess eventually. Same goes for if you scrub too much – you might break a few dishes or end up with raw hands. It’s totally up to you what you choose and sometimes you need the stink to smell the extremity of the problem. Soak or Scrub – it’s up to you.