Teaching Others How To Love You

On my 25th birthday last year I had a bit of a crisis - I hadn’t had a birthday party in a long time and was really longing for someone to throw me one. I felt really lonely, negative and down because nobody was throwing me a party! Eventually, after spending some time throwing myself a pity party, I was able to get back into a space of gratitude where I realized something important.


If we want someone or people to love us in a certain way, you first have to be the person that shows them how to love you. People are not mind readers so you cannot expect someone to just know how to love you. My best friend has almost hit the nail on the head but not even she knew that I wanted a birthday party. Instead of moping around and assuming that people don’t love me because they’re not throwing me a birthday party, I decided to show my people how to love me. Not only was I going to show them how to love me, I was going to show MYSELF how to love me…so I threw myself a birthday party. Okay, I was still a little bit sulky, but the experience taught me a lot about myself!


Teaching yourself and others how to love you is a process of communicating this in the moments where you feel the love. For example, one of my love languages is physical touch so when I give someone a hug and tell them that I love them, they learn that that’s how I express love. By expressing how you want to be loved you empower others with the capacity and capability to love you. So if you’re feeling lonely, then it’s time to love yourself first and challenge yourself to communicate with your people about how you want to be loved.


At the end of the day I threw myself a birthday party and decided to spend sometime throughout the week nurturing my relationship with myself. For you, it might be something similar or completely different. What is it that you need or want to feel loved? It could be a bouquet of flowers, some time in a bubble bath or more support in certain areas of your life. Ultimately you are the guide!