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[00:00:01.590] - Carlee
Do you feel loved or do you feel like you belong? It's a pretty big question and if you're wondering if you're feeling like maybe there's something missing or you want to build upon maybe the love that you already have, you're definitely in the right place. Hi, I'm Carlee Myers, your friendly stress management expert. And this month we're focusing on getting our basic needs met. And this episode we're talking about love and belonging. And because we're talking about this, I brought on Laura Brown. Laura Brown is a holistic psychotherapist who provides individual and couples therapies at the Wellness Collective in Philadelphia. She is Gottman method certified and uses this method with the majority of the couples she works with. Guys, just in case you don't know what the Gottman method is, because I didn't years ago, the Gottman method is actually backed in science. So if you're familiar with Brene Brown and her work on vulnerability. Right. All of that research, John Gottman is basically the Brene Brown of couples. He knows the science behind everything that can make a marriage or relationship work or fail. So I wanted to give you that context really, really great. I'm really excited to have you here, Laura.
[00:01:15.120] - Laura
Thank you so much for having me. I'm super happy to be here. It's great to see you again.
[00:01:21.540] - Carlee
Likewise. Likewise. The last time we talked, I didn't get to see your face. And as you guys know, the listeners, we usually do these on Zoom. So I get to experience our guests in their full glory. So I'm curious, Laura, I know your story a little bit, but for our listeners who don't know you, how did you end up here? Like how did you end up as a psychotherapist certified in the Gottman method, helping couples and individuals on a regular basis?
[00:01:47.010] - Laura
Yeah, perfect. Thank you. So I actually got into therapy later in life. I always knew I wanted to be a therapist, even at a young age. I had some negative experiences, I guess, if you will, with family therapy. When I was younger and it really put me off from therapy for a long time. But there was always something in the back of my mind. In my heart, I knew I wanted to be a therapist, but I didn't really know what that meant. When I was younger, I didn't know what that would look like. So I kind of pushed it off, went about my life, graduated college, I traveled abroad. Then I ended up here in Philly and started working in the corporate world for a long time. And I got really comfortable and I still knew I wanted to become a therapist, but I was really comfy where I was. However, I was not happy. I just knew that this is not what I was meant to do. But I kept putting it off and putting it off because the idea of starting a whole new career was a little bit intimidating
[00:02:58.420] - Carlee
With you
[00:02:58.860] - Laura
I'm sure you can resonate with that. So I finally was sitting at a kitchen table one summer with my dad talking about it. And I just thought, this is crazy, enough is enough. Like, what am I waiting for? Nobody is going to make this happen but me. So I just went for it. And that period was a blur. I, you know, just started applying to schools. I really didn't know what I was doing. But fast forward, I ended up at Thomas Jefferson University here in Philly. They have an amazing marriage and family therapy program. They also have a sex therapy program. And that's where I completed my graduate program. And I as part of the program, we wanted to bring the Gottman method into the students and offer it as an option. And it was a no brainer to do the training while I was in graduate school. So I was lucky enough to complete the training while finishing graduate school. And like you said, it is evidence backed. So it's an amazing modality for couples therapy. The Gottman's can this is a little bit intimidating for people, but they can predict within a certain amount of time of seeing couples if this couple is going to get divorced or not, or if they're going to look like they're not married.
[00:04:15.960] - Carlee
Yeah, it was like ninety seconds. They can predict with a ninety some percent accuracy rate. So it's, it's impressive and terrifying at the same time.
[00:04:25.290] - Laura
It is. It is. But I yeah. I love I, I absolutely I will, I will never look back. I love being a therapist. I do work with couples like we mentioned. I also work with individuals. And I was lucky enough to end up at the Wellness Collective in Philadelphia, which is a holistic healing center. We have a couple of different practitioners who practice different modalities and I absolutely adore it, so I feel really lucky to be there.
[00:04:54.030] - Carlee
Awesome. So in keeping with the theme of love and belonging, like making our way up, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, that pyramid, you know, what would you recommend for someone who, you know, either feels like they don't have the love that they need or they want to build upon it, or maybe that sense of belonging as well?
[00:05:13.920] - Laura
Yeah, absolutely. So love and attachment, a sense of belonging. These things are all basic and universal human needs. Everybody wants to feel loved. Everybody wants to feel safe in their relationships. And there's actually three things that can define the safety of a bond in a relationship. Those three things are how emotionally accessible, responsive and engaged you are. And so A.R.E. right. And I like to remember, I encourage the question, this question in my couples therapy are, A R E, are you there for your partner? And if not, why not? So we have a lot of anxieties and fears and relationships. Look, I'm a couples therapist. I have my own anxieties and fears in my own relationship. Right. Such as the fear of being rejected or abandoned. By the way, these are all also universal fears. Everyone is afraid of being rejected or abandoned. No matter how tough you think you are. Nobody wants to feel like they're going to be rejected. And these fears can cause us to either act out or shut down in our relationships. So what I help people learn to do is, first of all, acknowledge those underlying fears and anxieties and then be able to express them in a healthy way to their partners along with their needs. Asking for what we need. I think a lot of people think that means being needy. It's not being needy, and it's not a weakness. It's actually a strength, I feel like, because to do that means you have to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable is really hard for a lot of people. It's hard for me and I talk about it all day long with my couples.
[00:06:58.080] - Carlee
I was literally just talking with someone about this yesterday about how asking for help, like it was a little bit of a different context. But asking for help is not a sign that you you're bad at your job or or weak or any of this is actually a sign of courage and bravery and vulnerability. And we were talking about how some of the most successful people have mentors or therapists or a support network in which they're constantly asking for help. And it actually makes us better. It makes us happier
[00:07:33.290] - Laura
Absolutely
[00:07:33.290] - Carlee
to be able to
[00:07:34.250] - Laura
Yeah for sure, and there's... In terms of relationships, there's a myth that I hear a lot in the office, and it's if my partner really loves me and they really understand me, they should just be able to know what I'm thinking and what I need. Right. No wrong. We're not mind readers. This is where asking for what we need, asking for help comes in. And I work with a lot of negative patterns, something called the negative interaction cycle in relationships. So again, helping people identify their blocks, what's blocking them from being vulnerable, asking for help, asking for what they need, or even from having empathy for their partners. People with secure attachment, this is maybe not because this is not such an issue, however, many of us fall into the anxious or avoidant attachment styles. I'm not going to get into attachment styles, but just remember those three things when getting your needs met or meeting those of your partner or of a loved one. It doesn't have to be a romantic relationship which is being emotionally accessible or responsive and engaged. And that's it.
[00:08:48.090] - Carlee
Yeah, you know, it's so funny, we're going to have to have you back on the show to talk about attachment styles, because that is another huge category
[00:08:56.490] - Laura
There's a lot to go into.
[00:08:56.830] - Carlee
And there's a lot there. And even my own mentor brought these styles forward recently as a reminder in my own support system, my own community. And I was like, oh, darn it, here I am in the anxious attachment style again. Let me work on this. Right. And and I think I love that you brought forward. You're like, look, I'm a relationship therapist and I have these same things, too. And there's as much as we like to think that, you know, there are people that have made it, there are people that have some tools in their tool belts and there are people that that don't. And so I love that you brought these forward. I love the A.R.E. acronym. I'm really familiar with the Gottman method. And I'm like, wait, I haven't seen that. The A.R.E. that's memorable. I'm going to write that down. And so this was really, really great. Now, Laura, if if we have someone watching or listening to this show and they're like, you know what, I. I could use some more support, I could use some more guidance, you know, where how can we get in touch with you?
[00:10:05.240] - Laura
Yeah, absolutely, so look for me at the Wellness Collective, our website is W W W dot Wellness,P H L Dot com. We have a huge presence on social media. So the Instagram is wellnessphl. My own Instagram is at therapy with LB. But we have not only am I there, there's another therapist there. We have Danielle Massi, who's amazing. We have some yoga instructors, we have a Reiki master and we have a spiritual medium. So we offer a whole slew of healing modalities. So definitely look for us at the wellness collective.
[00:10:45.370] - Carlee
Beautiful, and we'll make sure that all of that information, all the links and everything are in the show notes for you guys. So, you know, I really want to know what resonated for you in this episode. Let us know in the comments below. I can tell you right now, I'm taking a r e away. That is a huge takeaway for me. Now, if you're feeling overworked and exhausted, I've got some good news for you. The Stress Less Company works with high achieving executives, business owners, managers, aka leaders just like you to find that sense of peace and freedom that they desire. And as a result of our work together, they not only learn how to deepen their spiritual understanding, their spiritual connection, whatever that means for them, they also learn the tactical tools that they need so that they can experience more free time, more efficiency and, yes, even more prosperity. Sounds pretty great, right? Well, you can apply for a complimentary stress assessment today to start the conversation about working together. Visit Stressless CO dot COM, apply for more information and of course, to apply. Now, this concludes this episode of the Stress Less Show. I want to give one last big shout out to Laura Brown. Thank you so much for coming on show.
[00:11:58.210] - Laura
Thank you so much. This is great. Thank you so much.
[00:12:01.690] - Carlee
Awesome. So if you've enjoyed this week's episode, let us know by giving us a big thumbs up and hitting that follow or subscribe button. Thanks for listening. Share if it resonated. And we will see you next week.