If you’re like me, at some point in your life you might have thought to yourself (or said to a trusted friend), ‘I’m tired of all the drama.’
Maybe, like me, you thought this because you were tired of fighting, tired of feeling like two ships passing in the night or tired of the exhaustion caused by a relationship you were or aren’t even sure you want any more.
Perhaps it’s drama with a lover, friend, boss or even colleague. Maybe it’s drama with someone or something else entirely.
Regardless, if you’re tired of the drama, you’ve made it to the right place…
You might be asking yourself how you keep getting sucked into the drama - this is a great question and something I hope to help shed some light on as part of this article. Please read on.
The Key Ingredients for Drama
Let’s first start by exploring the key ingredients for stirring up drama, discovered by American Psychiatrist, Stephen B. Karpman. The three ingredients - Rescuing, Victimizing and Persecuting - make up something Karpman discovered in the 1960’s called The Karpman Drama Triangle or the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT). Simply put the DDT maps dysfunctional human interaction.
Let’s dig into the three key ingredients for drama a little bit more. We can think of these ingredients as roles that we take on in a unconscious improvisational play. Here are the roles:
The Rescuer - The Rescuer typically rescues people from their responsibilities or from the consequences of their own actions.
The Victim - The Victim feels sorry for themselves and often shifts their responsibilities onto others.
The Persecutor - The Persecutor owns a false sense of superiority and as a result typically controls, blames and/or shames others.
Once we take on one of these roles, the opportunity for drama begins.
When we rescue someone, the other person can become the victim or the persecutor. When we persecute, the other person can become the victim or the rescuer.
When we enter the drama triangle by taking on one of these roles the chaos ensues.
In her New York Times Best Selling Book, Codependent No More, Melody Beattie describes this pattern from another perspective - how one person can swiftly shift from one role to another on their own:
“Rescuing and caretaking mean almost what they sound like. We rescue people from their responsibilities. We take care of people’s responsibilities for them. Later we get mad at them for what we’ve done. Then we feel used and sorry for ourselves. That is the pattern, the triangle.”
How to Escape the Drama
Now that we know the underlying ingredients and patterns that create drama, you might be wondering how you can escape The Dreaded Drama Triangle. Luckily for many us, Karpman’s research didn’t just end with the discovery of this pattern and others that came after him have built upon his work.
When first discovering the Dreaded Drama Triangle, Karpman also shared a tool which he regarded as the solution to such chaos - The Compassion Triangle. The Compassion Triangle consisted of three remedies to the drama: Vulnerability, Resourcefulness, and Persistence. However, since his discovery, experts have additionally uncovered what is now widely considered the primary powerful antidote to The Dreaded Drama Triangle. This remedy is called The Empowerment Dynamic (TED for short).
Research has shown that when we embody the three ingredients of The Empowerment Dynamic we are then able to step out of and/or side step drama completely.
According to The Center for The Empowerment Dynamic, “The TED* roles of Creator, Challenger, and Coach are the essence of who you are, encouraging you to step into the light of your dreams and desires. They work together to bring forward the best version of yourself.”
Below you can find the breakdown, according to The Center for The Empowerment Dynamic’s website, of the alternative roles we might take on to escape drama and empower all involved:
The Creator - “Creator is the central role in TED* and the positive alternative to the Victim role in the DDT [Dreaded Drama Triangle]. Creators know they can choose their response to life’s challenges. A Creator is outcome-focused and passion-powered, focusing on what inspires them. This positive alternative to the Victim generates forward energy, propelling one to take generative action, by taking one Baby Step at a time.”
The Challenger - “Challenger is the positive alternative to the Persecutor. In relationships to others, a Challenger consciously builds others up, encouraging them to also learn and grow, despite difficult situations. Challengers are catalysts for learning and are willing to stand for the vision, even when others do not. Rather than criticizing or blaming, a Challenger inspires others to reach for the highest good of all involved. Willing to shake things up and go to the heart of the matter, Challengers are sometimes called the “truth-tellers,” in service to outcomes and the Co-Creators with whom they interact.”
The Coach - “Coach is the supportive role in TED* and the positive alternative to the Rescuer in the DDT. A Coach sees the Creator essence in those they support and holds them as ultimately resourceful and resilient. Unlike the Rescuer who reinforces the powerlessness of a person in the Victim role, a Coach uses the art of inquiry, curiosity, and deep listening to support others in discovering what is best for themselves. A Coach does not have to be a professional coach, simply “non-attached” to the outcomes of others, remaining supportive and encouraging.”
Where do I start?
Now that you know about the Dreaded Drama Triangle and it’s remedy, The Empowerment Dynamic, you have the unique opportunity to begin to do things differently. My recommendation? Start small.
Consider asking yourself two key questions to get started:
Have I taken on a role (rescuer, victim, persecutor) within the Karpman Drama Triangle recently? If so, which role have I taken on?
What is one small way I can begin embodying The Empowerment Dynamic and the roles within it (coach, creator, challenger)?
Want more support?
If you sense you would benefit from additional support and more powerful tools like this one, let’s talk about working together. Secure your complimentary discovery call with me by completing the application linked below.
Always in your corner,
