Did you know that the top google searches that lead to my website are as follows?
why do I criticize my partner
how to be less critical of your partner
how to be less critical
how to stop being critical in a relationship
A few years ago I wrote a blog post about how to stop criticizing your partner. I guess I should be patting myself on the back because my team's great SEO skills have led those googling right to this old blog post, but I can't help but re-read this post and know there is much missing from its original draft.
In short it's out of date, so...
I've decided perhaps it's time to return to this incredibly important topic...
Today I want to answer the very first question that is most often googled:
Why do I criticize my partner (or anyone for that matter)?
Well, according to Brene Brown in her book, Daring Greatly, "...research tells us that we judge people in areas where we're vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than we're doing. If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people's choices. If I feel good about my body, I don't go around making fun of other people's weight or appearance. We're hard on each other because we're using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived shaming deficiency."
Brene also shares, based on her research, that "blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain...blaming is a way we discharge anger."
Why do we criticize others? Because we are experiencing shame.
It's hard to acknowledge this and truly see our shame, especially when we're worked up, but I can tell you in the years of work I've done with clients shame shows up as a block over and over and over again.
And there is a reason that my signature system, The Stress Less Method™, is organized the way it is...
Step 1. Manage Your Energy (i.e. discharge the discomfort and pain in a way that is productive and in the best interest of you and everyone around you)
Step 2. Identify Your Blocks (i.e. get clear on what is causing the discomfort and pain which creates unhealthy reactive behaviors)
Step 3. Create a Plan (i.e. determine how we will address all blocks that have been discovered)
Step 4. Remove Your Blocks One-By-One (i.e. get to the root of what is causing discomfort and pain within YOU and begin the healing process)
Step 5. Embrace Grace (i.e. give yourself grace next time shame shows up and work this process on repeat to deeply support yourself and create a new way of being)
This is the power of the process - working together to create a new way of being so we can connect deeply, love deeply and live life more easefully than ever before.
So what are you waiting for? Click here to apply for a complimentary Discovery Call.
Always in your corner,
Carlee