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Okay hear me out.
Standards vs Expectations.
This week on The Stress Less Show expert, Kim Keane, brought forward the simple yet groundbreaking concept of standards vs expectations.
Now, many of us ask for favors or requests of those in our lives and this is totally a normal thing to do. In fact, I'd be concerned if you didn't.
Asking for help is an incredibly healthy thing to do because we really are stronger when we ask for support.
However, sometimes when we ask for these favors or make these requests, we hold onto secret expectations of how that request might be fulfilled. And for many of us, we don't even realize we are creating these secret expectations because they are so second nature... For instance, we may want that special thing done a certain way and within a certain time frame.
I know for me it usually goes something like this...
Me: Hey babe, would you mind unloading the dishwasher? *expects my partner to unload the dishwasher as soon as I ask*
Him: Sure! *proceeds to continue doing whatever he was doing before because his own expectation is that it's reasonable to have it done by the end of the night*
Me: *gets frustrated when my partner doesn't immediately unload the dishwasher*
You see we create these secret expectations in our heads, but we often don't give the other person the opportunity to agree to our real terms and as a result we create suffering not only for ourselves but also for that other person (hello, Nagatha Christie).
So what's the difference between standards and expectations? Standards give the other person the opportunity to rise to the occasion or negotiate with you so you're both on the same page.