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Are you afraid of what would happen if you put yourself first? Last week on The Stress Less Show, I talked a little bit about reclaiming the word selfish and starting to put your needs first. If you saw that episode or read that blog post, I'm willing to bet there was a part of you that thought, “Sure, Carlee, that sounds great but I can't do that.” Putting our needs first, frankly for a lot of us, is scary because we are so used to putting ourselves last on our list. Well, enough is enough! We are facing that fear head-on because we deserve to take care of ourselves first. That is why I am so excited to have on the show this week Danielle Massi. Not only is Danielle the founder of The Wellness Collective and a holistic mental health therapist, but she is also my wonderful partner in crime and co-founder for a brand new transformative self-care conference called SELF(ish) Philly!
Danielle and I have had so many conversations about what it means to take care of ourselves first and the fear that comes along with that. As a stress management coach, I see this fear come up all the time for my clients and this fear is something that Danielle has seen come up in her practice as a therapist time and time again.
“What happens is people come into therapy and they talk about all the things that are going on for them. And when I make subtle suggestions about how to make their life better and take care of themselves fully, there's always a reason why it can't happen.”
According to Danielle, the block many of us have around taking care of ourselves and putting our needs first comes from the way we were raised by our families and by society. A lot of us hear messages day in and day out about working hard above everything else.
“We are so socialized to just keep hustling, keep working, don't stop... because if you do, the world will fall apart. And that is fear. That is your ego talking. Truthfully, if you get your ego out of the way and tune into your gut, your gut is probably saying slow down, do something nice for yourself, stop and smell the roses.”
I know that this is a lesson that I had to learn for myself especially as I started growing my business. Having watched my parents work tirelessly growing up, I spent a lot of time ignoring my own needs in order to hustle and work hard.
It wasn't until I let go of the fear of taking care of myself that I was able to transform my business and take it to the next level. Letting go of that fear and actually slowing down to spend time on my needs first allowed me to show up better for my clients, for my staff, for my friends, for my family, and for the world.
These lessons are the reason that Danielle and I knew we had to start SELF(ish) Philly because so many women are out there feeling so afraid of taking even 5 minutes for ourselves let alone a day. Take a look below at a couple of tips from Danielle on how to start letting go of that fear so that you can start taking care of yourself.
Tip #1: There Is No Such Thing As Too Much Self Care
One question Danielle and I both get frequently, when it comes to having reservations about self-care, is how much is too much. Amidst the fear of putting ourselves first is the fear of not doing enough, being “lazy” or feeling like you are wasting time. The short answer to this question according to Danielle is that there is no such thing as too much self-care. However, one thing that Danielle stresses is the importance of knowing what true self-care actually is.
“There are some things that people think are self-care that are not self-care and some things that are 100 percent self-care and people don't see it.”
Self-care should restore and replenish you as opposed to numb you. That's why self-care is something that is individual to you. What is self-care for you may not be self-care for others. The key is to just listen to yourself And know when something is truly reinvigorating you.
“You should be asking is this filling up my cup. And if it is, there's no such thing as too much of it.”
As we pay more attention to how we’re feeling when we engage in self-care, we are able to truly understand the difference between laziness and escapism versus self-nourishment and self-compassion.
Tip #2: Remember That You Can’t Afford Not To
Finally, the one thing that we have to hold onto when it comes to real self-care is that even though we are often told that taking time for ourselves is selfish or frivolous or luxurious, the reality is we can't afford not to.
“I need to find the time for self-care. It's the thing that brings me back, elevates me, makes me show up in such a way that people are drawn in and I can be my best self.”
Ultimately, our mental health and our physical health and our emotional well-being are the foundation of everything that we do. If we aren't taking care of ourselves and giving ourselves what we truly need, we can't show up in the world in the way that we want to. We can't do all of the things that we want to do. By investing time care and attention into ourselves, we are empowering ourselves to do that and attention back to the world tenfold.
If you are ready to let go of your fear and put yourself first for a change, Danielle and I would love to see you on Friday, April 3rd at SELF(ish) Philly. We have curated some of the best wellness resources that Philadelphia has to offer just for you because you deserve it! To learn more and grab a ticket click this link! We can't wait to see you there!