How to Create Real Lasting Change [The Stress Less Show - Episode 64]

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Have you ever done or said something you were ashamed of? I think we've all been there. Hi, I'm Carlee Myers, your friendly stress management expert. And this month, we are talking about current events. We're talking about the racial injustices that have been happening for centuries, for hundreds and hundreds of years. Now, usually at this point, I introduce a guest. But this week, it's just you and I. Just the two of us. You see, I was thinking about how best to move forward with a show this month, an.

And how to close out this conversation, and I I just didn't feel right. You know, having another guest in and not really creating a bookend. And creating a plan of action to move forward, because, quite frankly, I'm seeing a trend and I feel like that trend is that. What's going on, these conversations now that things are starting to, quote, settle down, right? There's there's not as much. In terms of. Protests and all sorts of stuff, and what I don't want to happen is that I don't want this time to end.

And everything. Just go back to normal. Because the real the reality here is, is that things will only change if we change. And I know some of you are feeling hurt. You're feeling guilt. You may be feeling. A lot of these feelings, a lot of feelings may be coming up right now. I know for me, I've looked back on my own actions and my own lack of action, probably more specifically, and I felt a deep sense of shame.

But here's the thing. Shame. Doesn't give us progress. Giving ourselves that metaphorical whip to say we're a bad person and we should have done better. It doesn't solve the problem. And in fact. Shame and guilt and all of these emotions can get in the way of fixing the real issue. The issue that. Black people, especially in America. In the United States have been treated like shit. And so I want to just knowing that most of you that are listening are white.

You're like me. White. And most of you. A lot of the conversations I've been having is about this sense of shame and the sense of guilt. And what do I do? And I don't know what to do. So I I decided that I was going to bookend this episode or this month's conversations about current events. By just talking about. How do we get rid of the shame of the guilt of the fear and all of those emotions that are causing us to feel stuck and to feel like we're at a standstill and to feel like we are completely overwhelmed because there's so many things that we could be doing or there's so many things to choose from.

We don't know what to do. So if you're listening to this and you're like, yes, I really want to help. I want to be the change, right. I want to help transform the conversations and the situations that are happening all over. What I want to encourage you to do is just start. Just start. By really taking an inventory. An inventory of your actions. An inventory of places where you didn't take action, where you wish you would have.

And an inventory of maybe some of those subconscious thoughts and beliefs that you've noticed have come up, maybe you haven't acted on them, but you still feel a certain way about it. Like, darn, I wish I wouldn't have thought that. That's not cool. And just sit and take an inventory of how. What what is our responsibility in all of this? And this inventory, I want to be clear, is not about beating ourselves up. It's not that at all, at all, it's not that.

This inventory is about letting go of all of it. Letting go of all of maybe the mistakes that we've made or the stuff we wish we could have done better. And saying, what can I do about this inventory? What can I change moving forward so that these feelings of shame and these feelings of guilt? Or even these feelings of overwhelm don't keep coming up for me. And so that I can contribute to the greater good. You know, some of you guys that know me and have followed me for quite some time, you know, that I'm not new to these conversations, especially in my intimate relationships.

I actually predominantly used to date black men. A lot of you guys know that about me. And I was I was very used to having the conversation about the value of another human being. It sounds bizarre, but it's true. What are you going to do if you have mixed children or what are you going to do if this ends up being your your lifelong relationship?

All these conversations I was having about the value of a human, which is bizarre. So that's not new to me. It is bizarre to me, but it's not new to me. But when I went and what I went through this inventory, I realized something that really made me feel ashamed. And that thing was that specifically on the stress, let's show. We only had probably about a quarter of our guests were from a diverse background. And that felt so bad to acknowledge.

It sucked. The shame, the guilt, the how could I have not noticed this before all of those feelings came up? But again, those feelings don't do anything. And so what I did is I looked at that inventory and I said, how can I make sure that these feelings and that these feelings don't come up again because of that action or lack thereof. And how do I make sure that this situation doesn't arise again? And I made a commitment to moving forward, have moving forward from this moment.

Let's be clear. This is from this moment. You listening to this right now to have a more diverse. Guest list, if you will. A list of experts. The people that have earned their time to share with you their expertise. And that's just one of my commitments. There's a whole long list of more, but that's where I'm going to start. And so if you are feeling those feelings, those feelings of shame or guilt or overwhelm.

It's OK. It's totally normal. Even the stress management coach recording this right now, feeling those feelings. But it's you're gonna give yourself the self compassion, say, hey, I didn't know better, I did the best I could with the tools I had. We're gonna look at our inventory and say, you know what? Here's where I could improve. Here's the thing that I'm committing to. And here's the thing that is measurable. Maybe there's someone in your life that you can share this with that you're going to do.

You're gonna say, hey, I'm gonna do this. Can you please make sure every week to check in on me or every month to check in on me to make sure that I'm on track? So let's revisit I just want to make sure that I'm very clear on how we want to make sure that this doesn't become a trend that just fades off into the distance. First, take an inventory. Be willing to sit with those feelings, whatever they may be, maybe it's anger even we haven't even talked about anger.

Be willing to sit with those feelings, those uncomfortable feelings, and take that inventory. Once you have that inventory, make sure that you identify at least one area where, you know, you could improve. And you could take action. And three, reach out to someone who, you know, is going to hold you accountable to these measurable and very important, measurable actions that you're going to take on a consistent basis. That's how we create real change.

Now, if you're wondering to yourself. Well, first of all, I want to ask you, the person that listening to this right now, if something comes up for you and you want to be held accountable to it, to please comment below, comment and let us know what are you going to do differently moving forward to make sure that this is not a trend, that this is actually something that's going to change the world. What does that one tiny baby step that you're going to take?

Comment below. I also want to offer you the opportunity to have a space where the rubber meets the road. Self care accountability is often around, self care is really often about letting go of emotions and moving forward. Anxiety can be created by inaction. And so one of the best forms of self care that we can take. Is taking action, changing how we perceive ourselves by changing our actions? So if you need help making the rubber meets the road, we would love to have you as part of our self care accountability group so that we can really create.

True, true, true change together. This group is called the Virtual Stressless Space. And you can learn more about it at Stressless COCOM slash virtual stressless space. Thank you, guys, so, so much for listening, for tuning in. I wish you the best of luck moving forward. And we can't wait to hear all of the updates now. This concludes, again, this episode of The Stress. Let's show if you've enjoyed this week's episode.

Please let us know by giving us a big old thumbs up and hitting that fall or subscribe button. But most importantly, if you know this message is going to resonate for someone who's feeling those feelings, maybe they're feeling overwhelmed and they don't know what to do. Please hit that share button. Tag someone who needs to hear this. So that we can create that positive ripple effect we want in the world. Thanks for listening and we'll see you next week on the Stress Less Show.

Bye, guys.