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Carlee
Are you going through a financially draining divorce or are you thinking about going through a divorce, getting divorced than you are in the right place. Thank goodness. I'm Carlee Myers, your friendly stress management expert. And this month, we are talking love, sex and relationships. And I brought on two incredible guests that I've known for quite some time now to talk about how do we financially navigate divorce. So I brought on Karen Chellew and Catherine Shanahan to talk a little bit more about this. Welcome to the show. I'm going to have you first start, Catherine. Tell us a little bit more about you and how you got here.
Catherine
Hello. Thank you for having us. I've been a financial adviser for over 30 years. I experienced my own divorce after raising three stepchildren and two biological children and being married for 20 years. And at that point, I decided to become a certified divorce financial analyst. I also became a trained mediator. I'm also trained in the collaborative law process. I thought it was really important to deconstruct or help people get through this process in a more and empowering way. So I decided to devote myself to just helping people through the divorce process, gave up my Fenrir licenses so I don't invest money anymore. I knew Karen along the way and decided that we need to form a company to help people just get financial clarity before they make important decisions, because it's so stressful having to go through the financials while you're getting divorced or preparing for it.
Carlee
Yeah. Oh, my goodness. So this this reminds me of, you know, just sharing an experience with a client recently where she was, you know, feeling stressed or triggered about something specific, like her partner texting over an important conversation and getting to the root of it, the reason that she was feeling so triggered. And I'm not going to go through the whole process with with everyone who's listening. But the actual reason she was triggered by that is the story went, he doesn't love me. He doesn't care. He's going to leave me. I'm financially screwed. I'm not going to be able to survive. And so I love that both of you are having this conversation and you're creating a shift. So, Karen, would you mind introducing yourself as well
Karen
Sure. So my name is Karen Chellew, as Carlee said. And I have 30 years in the legal industry and Catherine had that much time in the financial industry. I worked in the legal field in litigation and also managed law firm, also a serial entrepreneur. Just that's who I am by default. So I now serve at My Divorce solution as a legal liaison and partner with Catherine. I'm also a certified Quadro administrator, but most importantly is Catherine and I both put out every day, as were mom of children. And we were divorced trying to continue being a really good mom to these kids. My kids were five and seven and I worked at a law firm while going through my divorce. And I always tell people I had the best representation available to me across the board. But it did not mean that I was not scared and it did not mean that I did not have the financial clarity that I needed when I had to make some really big decisions about dividing my husband's business, splitting the home and all that comes with it and figuring out how to live on my own and make the best pathway for the kids. So when Catherine and I joined forces, I jumped in with both feet because I know how important it is for people to have this clarity of moving forward, irrespective of if they're going to get divorced or not. When you're going through challenges and when you're managing life, having financial clarity is essential.
Carlee
Yeah, beautiful, so I'm super, super excited to talk about this, because I think that this is something that we're seeing more and more of. It's really problematic that we're not having enough financial clarity around what what needs to be done. What do we do with the money that we have so much around this. So what do you recommend for someone who's in this position they're, maybe, perhaps thinking about divorce? Maybe they're going through it right now. What do you recommend to make this process financially, you know, as easy financially as possible?
Catherine
Number one tip is to set up financial expectations. You know, I always find it so amazing when the new bride and groom out there, they spend all this money on their budget, on how much we're going to spend at the venues and how much I'm allowed to spend on my dress. But they never set up an expectation while they're married. So a lot of the couples today are coming in and they it's dual dual professionals. So the two income household. But what happens when one of you are trying to have a child or did you set up the expectation when it goes down to one income? So it's the same thing when divorce is happening. What's the expectation? Because if you know an expectation by the both of you, you can alleviate some stress because you know what to focus on.
Karen
And Catherine, you always say financial stress can be one of the biggest stress factors in any relationships, so many people will talk about sex way before they're going to talk about their finances. And so I've experienced even more about working with Catherine is that when people are making these critical financial decisions, they're making them more emotionally than they are making them with a clear head. And it's not just divorce. I think we want to get married. No one talks about the financial piece of that. I want to have children. What's the financial piece of that? And divorce is the very same thing is so important to have that clarity to reduce the stress.
Carlee
Yeah, it's funny that you bring that up because it's actually money is the number one stressor in the United States, according to a recent Gallup poll. And that is particularly for women. It is the number two stressor for men. So when we're having this conversation, I can already see how how important it is to set those expectations, because, I mean, the numbers are really clear as to how it's impacting, especially the female community of men as well. So. You know, when we're setting those expectations, let's say we've set them in through through the divorce process or looking into that, what do we do next?
Catherine
Follow through and stick with your boundary, so and also let me throw in their patience so your expectations are your backbone. So if you set those out and your spouse is trying to push you in one direction or accuse you of not following through, you say that was not the expectation of me. So it's very easy to have those guidelines and fall back as your backbone so you're not bullied and you're not pressured into making a decision. So it's very important to set those. It's like setting a boundary for yourself and also a security blanket. Another tip is to update your financial goals. What are the goals? So if you're if you're in your marriage and you're thinking divorce, what are your financial goals moving forward? We see a lot of gray divorce or just older couples getting divorced after 20, 30 years of marriage. And it's because they're their goals are different. Financial goals are very important. So if you can't get on the same page, then you're going to have a problem. If you're getting divorced, what are the financial goals of the family? What are the guidelines, again, with your goal setting? It's also like with your budget. That's part of your goal setting, which is Karen's hot spot. She's our expert on budgeting
Karen
And set time for that, too. That would be how you update. My daughter just recently got married and she talks to me on the weekend and tells me every Saturday they have budget day. Now, I don't think everybody could take the time to do that every week. But if you have even quarterly or annually updating where we are and where are we going and how is that working, that's really critical.
Carlee
Yeah, even outside of the context of divorce, you know, reviewing my financial goals, I do that daily. And I think that, you know, that comes with being an entrepreneur and a business owner. But it is incredibly important to know your numbers. Now, really quickly, I just want to touch base on this whole, you know, this whole money mindset thing. How does that play into all of this?
Catherine
Create a positive money story, a positive silver lining type of girl. But like Karen said earlier, people will talk about sex before they'll talk about money. And it's mostly because they're embarrassed of where they are today. We have a lot of people saying I was supposed to just take care of the kids. I wasn't in charge of taking care of the money. So they they're immediately putting pressure on themselves. There's no judgment of where you are today. Just create a positive money story with yourself. Don't talk down about it. Get real about it, ask questions, go to professionals, be involved, sign your tax return knowing what you're signing. Ask your financial adviser to be in every appointment. You don't need to understand it all, but you need to understand anything that has a number on it. You have a right to have information about that, create a positive story about it, whether it's good or bad, your only way to change it by putting a positive thought out about it.
Carlee
Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that. So we want to know those of you who are listening, what are you concerned about financially? And you can even DM us, I know that there's a lot that can go behind this conversation. Like we've said, we talk about sex before we talk about money. Where could you use help? Where could we maybe even bring Catherine and Karen back on the show to talk about something more specifically so that we can support you. Now if you're feeling overworked and exhausted, I've got some pretty good news. The Stress Less company works with high achieving CEOs, executives, business owners and managers just like you to find that sense of peace and freedom they desire. And as a result of our work together, they learn how to properly manage their time, their tasks and their energy so that they can experience more free time efficiency. And yes, even prosperity sounds pretty great, right? Well, you can apply for a complimentary stress, less clarity session or a stress assessment today to start the conversation about working together, visit Stressless CO dot COM slash apply for more information and to apply. This concludes this episode of The Stress Less show. And I want to give one last big shout out. And thank you to Karen and Catherine. Thank you so, so much for coming on the show and sharing your expertise.
Karen
Thank you. It was a pleasure.
Catherine
Thank you.
Carlee
Absolutely. So if you enjoyed this week's episode, let us know by giving us a big thumbs up and hitting that follow or subscribe button. Thanks for listening. Listening, Share if it resonated. And we will see you next week bye.