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Carlee
How juicy is your love life? I'm hi, I'm Carlee Myers, your friendly stress management expert, and this month we're focusing on love, sex and relationships. You may have noticed my pause at the beginning of this episode. And it's because I'm literally looking at Jimmy Allen, my amazing guest right now, and he just like his energy, is amazing. He started laughing when I said, how juicy is your love? Well, that's a real question. I brought on Jimmy Allen, who is the love and relationship coach. He had the privilege of studying with Katherine Woodard Thomas, who is the author of The New York Times best selling book Calling In The One. When he discovered her coaching program, he knew instantaneously that this was what he was meant to do. As a love and relationship coach, his purpose and mission are to disrupt people's patterns in love so that they can get out of the way of the way to have juice, have a really, really juicy love life. Welcome to the show, Jimmy
Jimmy
Thank you Carlee, for having me YES
Carlee
Of course. How could I not? I you know, this is probably one of the most difficult intros I've had to do because you were chuckling, you were laughing and you were making me chuckle and laugh. Oh, my goodness. So tell us for those of us who don't know you.
Jimmy
Mm hmm.
Carlee
How did you end up here? How did you end up as the love and relationship coach?
Jimmy
It's a long story. I know we have a couple of minutes. So, you know, it was a real, like, universal pull for me to be here. And it's really crazy. And, you know, when I started doing personal growth work on myself, I took this three and a half day course one weekend. And it really woke me up of like, how I like really having me be responsible for how I was showing up in life. And when I finished his course and a friend of mine who introduced me to the course, she said, OK, you need to read Calling In the One I was like, what is that? She goes, No questions. Get the book. Amazon read it. I was like, OK, you know, I just I went on Amazon. I purchased it. Reviews were great. And it really literally woke me up because it was really an alignment of what she was talking about, to really start uncovering all the things that help you maintain a really juicy love life. If we have time I tell you how I came up with that word, in my in my coaching. But and so I was obsessed with the book and really looking at taking ownership of every single relationship, because for me, that was the magic and reflecting on myself and all the relationships that I had because I saw it clearly where I needed to grow. And and I saw I was experiencing the shifts once I kept putting the work in place and how my dating life changed. And I was like, oh, this is this is something special. And then, you know, as I was getting obsessed with the book, the book also requires you a little bit to do it in a group. And I asked two friends to be with me and we started doing the the work and and I started moving, taking more classes at this institution. And I ended up coaching, volunteering coaching, not knowing that that's why I wanted to do I just volunteer because I just wanted to learn the distinctions I was learning and it had nothing to do but relationships. But it had to do with like getting what you want in life. And so and I was trying to have a breakthrough in my love life with men. And coincidentally, all my participants were men and but there's no coincidences. And so then when I was in the groups, my ear, my ear for things were being trained, and when I was in the group with my friends, I would hear them say things. And I was like, you're not telling the whole truth. Like that thing that you're holding back is a reason why you're still single. And they were like, look at me. And I was just like, how do you like how do I know that? And it would be the truth. And my friend, she's like, you're a coach. This is what you're meant to do. And that was a first moment. And I was just like coach. Like, I've just I just I just I don't know. I just, like, love what I'm doing, but I'm not I'm not a coach. And then something else happened with her and I connected the dots for her of why she's been single for eight years and holding onto this thing. And I all all I did was she had this dream about her ex-boyfriend. And she had had been broken up for eight years, and all I said to her was, what do you need for him to say to you to let you go? And she just broke down. I don't know why what instinctively told me to say that, but that what that's what I felt in that moment to say. And then she thanked me. She said that's what I needed to hear. And she was like, this is what you're meant to do. Like, she's like, if you don't do this, I'm gonna you to come after you. I'm going to come after you.
Carlee
Not many people go into business having someone there. Like, if you don't do this
Jimmy
right you know what I mean? So, you know, then one thing led to another. Led me to you, you know, looking up, Katherine on the website and then there was her ad like I looked up her. I looked this woman up so many times and all of a sudden there's an ad about she's wanting to train people in Calling in the One. I was like, that's me.
Carlee
You're like, yes, one hundred percent for this. So let's talk about this for a second. So for my for the audience, for the people who are listening right now, what you know, for those who are looking to call in the one. That are looking they're tired of being single, what do you what do you recommend as a first step to create some shifts around their relationships?
Jimmy
Yeah, OK, so one of the biggest things that helped me shift my love life is and I directly get this from Calling in the One is that looking at your patterns, what we're talking about earlier, so. I was like, OK, what is the pattern? What is the common thing that keeps happening in every single relationship? And I was just like looking and looking and looking. And then I was like, oh, my God. Like, each and every one of these guys had some sort of shame about who they were as a gay man. And so at the time, I didn't really know what that meant. I wasn't a coach yet. And then I, I had a coach at the time and I told her over the phone, she goes, oh, my God. She goes, I didn't know you were out. I said, well, I'm out. I said, I don't know, what is this coming from? And it is really hitting me. And I don't want to date people like this. And then she goes, where in your life that you can express yourself as a gay man? And it was like, boom. It was my mother. Like, I had never told her about any relationship. I couldn't really get it out to tell her. And I was like, oh, my God. Like, that's it. Like, it was a direct connection to how I was unconsciously choosing men who didn't hold me accountable to be my full self.
Carlee
Yeah.
Jimmy
Like I was like just teetering in with my self-expression. I didn't have or I didn't have a calling in anyone who was in their own full self expression because they had their own shame about who they were with their family. And I was just like, I do not I got to shift this even if it cost me my relationship with my mother. And I had to like I had to one, be willing to put that relationship at risk because I would just be like I cannot and I realize that I can no longer live my life for her. I have to live it for me because I can see in my relationships, I was hiding a little bit like I wasn't being my full self. I wasn't being fully self expressed. I just wasn't fully loving at all because this relationship with my mother, who wasn't doesn't even live in New York, was not even involved in my relationship. But it had on I had an unconscious tied with that with with her. So I had to break that.
Carlee
So what I'm hearing is that we have to really look back at our past relationship, see the patterns.
Jimmy
Yeah.
Carlee
And and then say, OK, what do I have to I'm the common denominator. What do I have to change to shift that pattern?
Jimmy
Right, right. Exactly. And like most people I know aren't gay probably listening to this, but you have to look at your own pattern. And one of the other patterns, too, was I was attracting unavailable men and I was just like, OK,
Carlee
Girl same. I just have to say that girl same.
Jimmy
And so when I look, it was, again, directly back to my mother, because in my mind, I believe that she's a parent. She should be doing this first and she should be the example. But I was like, wait, she only has the tools that she has to be available. If I want this relationship to be an emotionally available one, it has to come from me first. I have to put myself on the line with her because it really woke me up. And the last guy, because I thought I was so in love with him and I saw that I was like god I was working on this emotional available thing for so long. And but I realized I had this expectation that my mother should be this way. And expectation is you should not have expectations in love expectations are set up for you to fail. And so I remember when I discovered this thing, I literally called my mother that day and I told her something that I never told her, because we at the time I had lost two uncles to cancer in the same year, buried in the same year. And I told her something very vulnerable that my uncle did to me when I was a kid. And I took a huge risk.
Carlee
Yeah.
Jimmy
And but she listened and we and it was for the first time that we talked for an hour out of the forty years that I had known her because I was willing to put myself on the line and not blame or shame her or him. I was owning up to it and forgiving him. And that was the moment that shift our relationship and it shift my dating life too.
Carlee
Yes. And it's so interesting when we talk about this and the Stress Less company, you know, the stressor that we the trigger the thing on the surface isn't always you know, it's not always just that it's so much deeper.
Jimmy
Yeah.
Carlee
Jimmy, thank you so much for coming on the show.
Jimmy
Thank you.
Carlee
I'm glad we talked about this. So for those of you who are listening, we want to know what roadblocks have you been putting in your own love life? Or maybe after listening to this this show, what are the patterns that you're starting to see?
Jimmy
Yes.
Carlee
Right? Now, if you're feeling overworked and exhausted, I've got some good news. The Stress Less Company works with high achieving executives, business owners and managers just like you to find that sense of peace and freedom that they desire. And as a result of our work together, they not only learn how to deepen their spiritual connection, but they also learn those tactical tools so that they can experience more free time, more efficiency and, yes, even more prosperity. Sounds pretty great, right? Well, you can apply for a complementary stress assessment today to start the conversation about working together, visit stress less COCOM slash apply for more information and of course, to apply. This concludes this episode of the Stress Less show. I want to give one last big shout out to Jimmy Allen. Thank you so much for coming on the show.
Jimmy
Thank you.
Carlee
Of course! So if you've enjoyed this week's episode, let us know by giving us a big thumbs up and hitting that follow or subscribe button. Thanks for listening. Share if it resonated. And we will see you next week bye.