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>> Carlee: How the hell do you find yourself? We'll find out on this episode of the Stress Less Show. Hi I'm Carlee Meyers and I'm a stress management mentor. One thing I hear day in and day out is that we feel like we've tried everything when it comes to stress management. We may have tried the mainstream approaches to managing our stress but have we really tried to get to the root of the issue. Each episode, I bring on experts and leaders to not just put a Band-Aid on your stress but to actually get to the root of the issue. This month as you may have noticed, we've been focusing on one of America's top stressors which is relationships and specifically this month this episode, we're going to be talking about how to find yourself how your relationship with yourself affects your intimate relationships. So I brought on an amazing expert Sofia Lloyd. She's a personal coach and Orgasmic Meditation trainer to give you her insights. So Sofia, thank you so much for coming on the show.
>> Sofia: Thank you. It's a pleasure to be here.
>> Carlee: Absolutely. So I'm very curious about your title and I'm really actually curious like Orgasmic Meditation trainer and personal coach. How did you get into this line of work and actually what is it?
>> Sofia: Right? The short answer is by accident. Really a couple... More than a couple of years ago now, I was a few years out of college and moved to Philadelphia for a job and then pretty quickly I find myself totally resentful at modern work structure. I didn't know how to get out of it. I just knew that I wasn't happy with like 9 to 5, go in and get a paycheck, do some work; and you know, I was working at a job I thought I really wanted and it turned out, I actually didn't like how any of this was going. At the same time, I was having difficulty after difficulty after difficulty in all of my dating and romantic relationships and I felt unmatched and unmet and just so frustrated. I felt powerless. I didn't - I didn't know what to do. I tried a bunch of things and then a friend introduced me to something called Orgasmic Meditation and I took... I mean that's a pretty powerful and potent title and it's probably not what you think but I I did my research for about eight months before I ever stepped into a public environment where people talked about it. And then, I learned the practice and was so moved by it that I hired the founder of the practice to continue training me. So I went deeper into the practice and she's also a coach which I trained her... I had her training how to be a coach. And the rest is history.
>> Carlee: Yeah so. So tell me and I know you have some tips for folks who are trying to find themselves you know through through coaching and through this this practice, but tell me. Tell us a little bit, if you can, tell us a little bit more about you know if you... like the situation that maybe a woman would be in in which they would want to try this kind of alternative approach.
>> Sofia: Of orgasm meditation or just trying different things in general?
>> Carlee: Yeah I think try trying to what your work in general like what what police are we in that we might want to try something new?
>> Sofia: I think for every woman it's different. Some of my clients just want to be happier like they're already happy and they're like, "I just want more," which is wonderful. Where I started and where I think a lot of women go is like at some point constantly being in production mode wears you out. And Orgasmic Meditation re-trains your stress response and then you like as women you begin to... Like I just... I experienced it myself and I saw so many women go through this where there's like a fundamental shift in how you perceive the world and how you perceive how how you're supposed to move in the world. And so it comes from like a place of desire and nourishment. And then you move from production into creation. So I think burnout is probably one of the most common places where women move they're just like just something just like anything different. And for me particularly in relationships where I felt unmet was like... My body was just plain screaming for just raw sensation. And I think for a lot of women, it looks like Oh I'm crazy or I have to work out a lot or I have to do like Netflix and chill like a lot of women will just feel that as like stress and the word for that is actually tumescence and it's just like a stress response to sexual... like for lack of a better word for like sexual energy and then it gets locked. So like when I talk to men about it I'm just like, I tell them you know, imagine having blue balls all the time all over your body that is what it is like for women who do not have access to their orgasm.
>> Carlee: So tell me I know you prepared some tips for women who feel like that that stress response is just taking over their whole body. What what can we do to get started especially if we're feeling a little nervous?
>> Sofia: Yeah well what I found tremendously helpful was to just ask for what I want. That's one of the things that the practice taught me was ask for what I want. The second thing was I learned that I actually really wanted connection at the end of the day and I have a thousand compensatory behaviors that have it be that I don't get what I want and then I stay isolated and then I continue having experiences that I don't like. But once I started admitting that I wanted connection, I started shifting everything from the perspective of it. I'm actually doing this for connection
>> Carlee: Interesting so there's... There's also a piece here that I think is interesting which is like allowing yourself the space to know what you want and that I think that's part of me probably finding yourself. But we, I think we sometimes know what we want but we're not asking for it. So giving ourselves permission to ask.
>> Sofia: Right and like for a woman, speaking our desire will always feel like messing up because everything in our culture has it has it be that we're not supposed to desire things or that there's a very short range of things that we're that's like OK to want and this like blows the container off that. And so suddenly, women begin to experience themselves as much bigger and much more powerful simply by wanting more and being able to surrender to the fact that you actually want a lot.
>> Carlee: So what happens if we're nervous so let's say we ask for what we want. What happens like when we get to that edge? What should be... like Is there something we should remember something to comfort ourselves to like help push through that?
>> Sofia: Well the first thing is desire will naturally take you out of control. You will feel out of control. you will feel... You might feel like your cheeks get really hot or your or your voice trembles or your hands shake or there's like you might like some of my my clients are like, "Oh God I feel like I need a shot of tequila before I even ask something as simple as 'would you like to come over and make out today?'" And that is actually orgasm. That's like the type of orgasm that I'm talking about is it's not the orgasm that I think most of us think is climax where there's like a buildup of energy and you go for a sharp peak and then you come right back down. A lot of women don't even experience that in their bodies and there's like this type of orgasm, it's like it's the it's the moment your body hits a state of heightened sensation. It's arousal in your body. That's very to the female body and that is like a it's like a different state of consciousness where suddenly your body's like buzzing with electricity. So know that whenever you start to put some attention on desire, you're going to start to feel that and that it is a good sign. It means your body's turned on.
>> Carlee: Yeah it's interesting. I feel like we've become so in tune with our stress response so we know how that feels in our body, but having to become in tune with that like electric feeling that is like, "I feel so alive right now, I feel so present right now I feel so this," and that I think is the most powerful part and I would probably - correct me if I'm wrong - Like THE part like capital T part of the work that you do.
>> Sofia: Yeah yeah, it's learning how to go out of control well.
>> Carlee: So tell us how we can find you on social media because I'm sure people are going to want to know a lot more.
>> Sofia: Yeah you can find me. My website is like where you could learn a little more information. That's w w w dot Sofia coaching dot co and it's Sofia with an F.. You can also just call my office. I'll give you my number it's 215 220 6818. Or you could find me on Instagram and it's Sofia... Sofia dot coaching. I will admit that I post a lot of pictures of dogs so it's not like this is you know it's more about like my life and like living an orgasmic life and a turned on life and like in my desires. So it's not just strictly about coaching, it's like my whole life in this grand experiment of orgasmic living.
>> Carlee: Yes. Perfect. Thank you so much. And this concludes this episode of the Stress Less Show. This episode was sponsored by The Stress Less Space. It's located at 16th and Walnut in Philadelphia, PA. The Stress Less Space is the ultimate lady cave for women to relax and recharge away from the chaos of everyday life. You can find more information by visiting stress less co dot.com. We'll see you next week.