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Ending a relationship in itself is difficult enough, but navigating a divorce, figuring out your finances, going through legal battles… it can get messy, scary, and downright exhausting fast! Dealing with a financially draining divorce is tough and I sat down this week with Catherine Shanahan and Karen Chellew of My Divorce Solution so they can give us some simple tips to approach a financially draining divorce from a place of strength and clarity, and start setting ourselves up for financial success.
After navigating through divorces of their own, Legal Liason Karen Chellew and Financial Analyst Catherine Shanahan, know first hand how it feels to be swept up in an overwhelming divorce. With their decades-long career experience in the legal and financial fields respectively, Karen and Catherine came together and bonded over a vision of changing the divorce industry so those entering a divorce can come out feeling stronger and more empowered.
“When Catherine and I joined forces, I jumped in with both feet because I know how important it is for people to have this clarity moving forward... When you’re going through challenges and when you’re managing life, having financial clarity is essential.”
Since starting their company, My Divorce Solution, they have been helping others handle their divorces with more ease. Through their work, they’ve come up with three tips you can implement in your own divorce to manages the headaches that can come your way.
Tip #1: Set your financial expectations
Catherine and Karen’s first tip is useful for all couples, as well as those going through a divorce. Talking about money in relationships never seems particularly easy or fun. However, Catherine points out that the more you and your partner can at least set some expectations for how finances and financial conversations will unfold, the better off you both will be.
“If you know an expectation [for] the both of you, you can alleviate some stress because you know what to focus on.”
With a set of expectations guiding your focus, it also becomes easier to enforce healthy boundaries within the divorce process and relationship. These expectations give you a place to center back on when emotions start to take over. That can make all the difference in a divorce.
“When people are making these critical financial decisions, they’re making them more emotionally than they are making them with a clear head.”
Tip #2: Update your financial goals
In addition to setting financial expectations, Catherine and Karen also emphasize the need for reevaluating our financial goals. Financial goals are a huge component of managing both relationships and divorces.
“We see a lot of gray divorces or just older couples getting divorced after 20, 30 years of marriage. And it’s because they’re their goals are different. Financial goals are very important.”
Your goals shift and change over time as you grow. As you are preparing for or are in the midst of a divorce, it is important to be aware of how your goals have changed both individually and with respect to your family.
“If you have even quarterly or annually updating where we are and where are we going and how is that working, that’s really critical.”
By checking in and updating your goals consistently, you build a roadmap that can guide your financial decisions as you work through the details of a divorce and your new financial situation.
Tip #3: Create a positive money story for yourself
Divorce can stir up a lot of uncomfortable feelings and unfortunately, these feelings often lead us to self-doubt. In addition to needing positive narratives for ourselves as we heal emotionally from the end of a marriage, Catherine and Karen also stress the importance of challenging the negative and limiting financial narratives we have for ourselves as we move forward.
“We have a lot of people saying, ‘I was supposed to just take care of the kids. I wasn’t in charge of taking care of the money.’ So they’re immediately putting pressure on themselves. There’s no judgment of where you are today.”
Self-compassion is key to redefining the narratives in your head as you approach your new financial situation. Wherever you find yourself financially is okay and accepting will help drastically as you continue to navigate your finances. Another important piece of creating a healthier narrative in your financial life is seeking out knowledge head-on.
“Get real about it, ask questions, go to professionals, be involved... You don’t need to understand it all, but you need to understand anything that has a number on it.”
The more time you spend gaining more knowledge about finances, the more confident you will become and the easier it will be to challenge your negative and anxious thoughts. While divorces bring major changes to life, with a clear perspective, plan, and boundaries, you can manage the changes that come with much less stress and overwhelm so that you can focus on creating a brand new chapter of your life filled with growth.
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View a full transcript of this episode here.