On the go? Listen to The Stress Less Show as a Podcast!
Relationships take work no matter what, but even in today’s well-connected world, long-distance relationships can take work and then some. Maintaining that sense of togetherness and love when a partner is away can be stressful at times and there are unique challenges that come with it. That is why I thought I’d sit down with psychologist and relationship coach, Kristina Reihl, to get her top tips on how to maintain a successful “together apart” relationship.
With a husband who works out of state for half the year, Kristina knows first hand what it is like to navigate the challenges of distance in a relationship. As she would encounter other people in similar relationships, she began to realize that these challenges weren’t just unique to her.
“Whenever I would meet other couples where one partner would be away from the other, I always found that they were the most unique and the most sort of rich conversations that I would have because we would always hit it off and discuss the really unique aspect of our lives.”
With her own personal experience as a guide, Kristina was able to combine that experience with her expertise and training as a psychologist to help others build stronger relationships as a coach and the host of the Together Apart Podcast. Below are three of her top tips on what it takes to have a strong relationship regardless of the miles between you and your partner.
Tip #1: Communicate for the betterment of your relationship not to be right
Communication is key in any relationship, but especially a long-distance relationship. In a long-distance relationship, Kristina notes that communicating effectively becomes much more important when limited to verbal and virtual forms of communication only.
That is why she stresses that when issues arise, it is crucial to remember to approach conversations with the goal of improving your relationship rather than trying to be right about something. While being right may seem important in the moment, Kristina reminds us that we are sacrificing more than we gain when focusing on being right.
In order to shift our focus from trying to be right, it is necessary to let go of the blame game. At the end of the day, if we feel upset or uncomfortable in our relationship, the main concern doesn’t need to be who caused it, but how it will affect the relationship in the long term. Focusing on that aspect instead of blame allows us to be more open to compromise and understanding in our relationships.
“You’re losing an opportunity to connect with your partner, and you’re also losing an opportunity to really compromise with your partner and communicate well.”
“So it’s not his fault or her fault. It’s, ‘This thing happened. I felt this way when this thing happened. How do we solve it?’”
Tip #2: Cultivate an environment of trust
In addition to communicating effectively, Kristina also highlights just how important protecting and maintaining trust is in a long-distance relationship. A lack of trust just like poor communication, Kristina notes, can quickly lead to resentment and blame, eroding the foundation of a relationship.
“If there are trust issues in your relationship, those are things you want to address fast and you want to really dig deep.”
While trust can be complex, Kristina suggests that a starting point towards creating a trusting environment in a together apart relationship is reciprocity.
“We want to give the information that we would like to receive from our partner to them.”
Honesty and openness are two-way streets. We cannot expect our partners to be open with us if we are not willing to do the same. By starting with ourselves, we show our partners that they can trust us and also how they can show their trustworthiness to us as well.
Tip #3: Know your partner
As simple as Kristina’s last tip appears, knowing your partner can have powerful effects on strengthening your relationship - whether you are long distance or living together. By understanding our partner’s needs, love languages, and preferences, Kristina notes that we are better equipped to cultivate a sense of connection. This intimate knowledge allows us to surprise our partner and show them love in ways they will truly feel.
Kristina also stresses that this doesn’t have to mean planning grand gestures all the time. It can be as simple as sending a funny meme or video that you know your partner will love. It is not about the size of the action, but the emotion and care behind it.
“It’s little small things that you do when you really know your partner that can make a huge impact.”
Creating strong relationships that can withstand distance takes effort, but the more we focus on building trust, communication, and understanding, the greater connection we will feel. Even when apart, you can still find a deep sense of togetherness no matter how great the distance.
—
Have you heard? Self-love accountability has gotten a whole lot easier! We’ve launched Self Care In Action, a brand new virtual self-care accountability group to help you relax and recharge in the comfort of your own home! Learn more here and join us for our next session on November 10th at 5:30pm ET!