On the go? Listen to The Stress Less Show as a Podcast!
Read the blog post version of this episode here!
Carlee
Are you struggling to get back the romance and find the fun again now that the nest is empty? Hi, I'm Carlee Myers, your friendly stress management expert. And this month we are talking about sex, love and relationships. And I brought on one of my favorite people, Jodi Silverman, to talk about this. Jodi Silverman is an author, certified life coach, speaker and entrepreneur. Jodi believes that living your daring life, challenging ourselves outside of our comfort zones is the most direct route to fulfillment. She has inspired thousands of women around the country to live their own daring lives through her membership community, In the Nest with Jodi digital talk show and as a professional speaker, everything Jodi does is to support moms and discovering who they want to be, both as moms and as the women during the empty nest life transition. Welcome to the show, Jodi.
Jodi
Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here.
Carlee
Absolutely. Absolutely. So tell us, for those of us who don't know you, which you are not easy to forget, if you met Jodi, you will know. But tell us, Jodi, how how did you end up here? How did you end up in this line of work?
Jodi
So, yeah. So I spent my my entire career in sales, worked in sales for corporate America and advertising, direct mail marketing, sales, transition to my own business, selling commercial printing. And when both my kids were in high school, I have two kids that are four years apart. So when my son was a freshman, my daughter was a senior, which turned now twenty five, twenty two in twenty five. But when they were in high school, I quickly realized that there was more space opening up in my life. Because when they enter high school, then they get the driver's license, you kind of pushed out a little bit. So, you know, they they need their independence, they deserve it, and they have to have it. And I just started noticing that I had more time. And because of a small life event, I found myself knocked out of a community due to an injury. I play a lot of tennis and I was knocked out and that was a big part of my physical and social. And I started to, you know, think about, you know, having this print business, my kids going, and what was life going to feel like as I started getting more and more time. So I actually found myself asking myself a question. I asked myself, you know, when the kids are gone, if all that's left is this business, is that enough? And it was a hard question to answer, because my first reaction was, oh, my God, what's wrong with you?The answer was no, it's not enough. I'm like, how can you feel that way? I felt all the guilt that so many of us feel and women in particular, because I have a great husband, I've had a I have really good marriage. I have two great kids. I live where I want to live. I don't have this life of real struggle and I have my own business. But yet it didn't feel enough and it didn't feel fulfilled. And when I realized it wasn't my life, it wasn't my husband, my family, my friends that wasn't fulfilling for me. It was what I was doing professionally. And I've always worked and I always needed something to call my own. So once I really move past the guilt, you know, I realized that there was this this nagging voice inside of me, this feeling that I wanted to do more, that there was something bigger than me waiting for me. I wasn't sure what it was. Again, that was another struggle with, well, who am I to think that there's something bigger than me out there? For me,
Carlee
it's like their purpose.
Jodi
Yeah, right. But what it allowed me to do, answering that question and going through all the emotions with the answer, the question, it allowed me to be open to opportunities and an opportunity came my way for a business that brought personal growth and development and coaching into my world. And that's when I decided in that moment that I wanted to go through coach training for the skills. And as I was going through the coach training, I knew that my calling something bigger than me was to share all that I've learned about fears and limiting beliefs and reinventing yourself with other moms who are about to enter the season of life.
Carlee
That's beautiful, and you have really created this incredible experience for empty nesters, for moms, for people, I'm not even up. I would call myself a fur baby mom, but I'm not even a mom. And I've been following your journey and even participating in some of your challenges. I love that you've created this experience of daring dare on tagline. Now, there is this kind of side of the picture when we're talking about relationships, because that's this month's theme, which is, OK, the kids are gone. I'm rediscovering myself, but also. In the busyness of life, we've kind of perhaps gotten distracted by the kids or the busyness and now they're gone and we're we've got our partner hanging out and we're kind of wondering, at least I've heard this from a lot of my clients, what the heck do we do now? Like, do I know this person? Do I like this person? Do I want to hang out with them? Like, what do I do with this partnership post-kids post when the nest is empty.
Jodi
It's a big reality of empty nest because so many of us put our kids in the center of our world and we get caught up, especially if you have multiple children, OK, your partner, you take them to soccer, I'll take on the play practice. We'll get dinner and then you pass out of bed and you forget about you. You forget about the partnership. You forget about your relationship with your partner, and then I was sharing this before we started that I literally sat and had coffee with a woman that she shared with me that her kids had left. She was having dinner with it was her husband and they were sitting across from each other. She looked up and she remembers thinking to herself, When did you get here? And then, you know, that panic and fear of oh, my gosh. Is am I in the right relationship and you know what, I what I usually tell women is, you know, you can get through this, you know, just because you're feeling disconnected from your partner, just because you're feeling a little bit lost, as if maybe you don't know each other well enough, there is a way to get that connection back and reconnect and rediscover, you know, as my friend calls it, reignite intimacy and connection within your relationship.
Carlee
Yeah, it's reminding me. I just had a conversation with an old friend. Probably haven't talked in five to ten years. It's been a long time. And I was asking how are how are her parents? And she said, you know, they're doing really great. They're traveling more. They're doing all of this stuff. And she said, I have to be honest, I was really as kind of worried because I she was the older sibling. So she left to go to college. And then she she did her own thing. She was working. And then her younger sister left, went to college and is now out of college and is more established. And she was like, I was worried that what what is going to what are my parents going to do? Because she heard that divorce rates can skyrocket once the kids leave. And so I'm really excited for you to share some of your tips today, because I think that that is the power, the possibility that knowing that this disconnection can the connection can be rekindled, that this can that we can go to the next level. It's not like oh crap. Who's this person? And so what do you recommend?
Jodi
Look, I'll share with you my my daughter has made comments. You and dad have a busy social life than I do. That's not fair I'm like, we're doing it right. So, yeah. So I do I do have three tips that, you know, I feel and the first tip is going to sound like counterproductive to what we're talking about, because the first tip is you. I truly believe you can find something just for you. Each of you can have a hobby or something that you enjoy doing. For example, my husband's a golfer and I'm all about tennis. We check in with each other to plan our time. On the course and on the courts to make sure it doesn't interfere with our time together. So the first step is have your own own interest, but check in with each other to make sure you're respecting your time together so that one of you isn't feeling like, well, I guess golf's more important to me, or tennis is more important. So have your own thing, the check in and coordinate it together. My my second tip would be to sit down with your partner and start reminiscing and reflect on things you used to do when you dated. And you can take out old photo albums because I'm of the demographic. We still have photo albums. Yes, we do. I'm working on scanning, but sit down and start talking about remember. My husband and I... said. He loves live music. Do you remember when we used to just like go to a bar and listen to a band? Maybe it was riding bikes together. I know another couple that I actually hosted on my show. She and her husband discovered cooking together again and now they cook together. So reflect on the things that you used to enjoy doing before kids. And when one of those things resonates, try it together, try it again and see if you know, you still like it. And then my third and final tip I have to share. I stole it from my girlfriend, who is also a coach. I love this tip and I've done it. You do. You plan a day swap. So I can tell my husband. I did it with my my adult child, I really haven't done it with my husband yet, but we just talked about it. So ask your partner you know. Plan a day that you would fully enjoy. All the things you would like to do in a day. And I'm going to come along. I just insert yourself into their day. So, for example, my husband loves to golf. The last time I sat in the golf cart and enjoyed a golf course with him was on our honeymoon 28 years ago. So that might be his choices. When we go away, I want you to, instead of sitting by the pool, come and share golf with me and share your day. And it's a great way, a great way to really get insight into why this particular activity lights your partner up.
Carlee
Yeah,
Jodi
Yeah, and you never know, you might enjoy it as well and you're paying attention to each other. You're really showing an interest in each other's lives. And I know I mentioned this just want to throw it. And it's a great way to feel reconnected as a mom and dad, a parent in your adult child's life if they move away from home, too.
Carlee
Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, it's funny, I think, about how so my partner is a musician and they his band and him, they practice in my basement. So as you can imagine, I hear the same songs over and over and over again to the point of driving me crazy. I love you, babe. Like he's if he's listening to this. But it's you know, I have to share that. I for a while I didn't go to any of his live shows and I think it was like a year I didn't go. I was like, I've heard the songs a million and one times I'm good. And I went to one of his shows. And enjoyed the night with him, and quite frankly, I was looking at my partner on the stage and I was like, oh, he's sexy he's mine like I I saw him in his element in that great energy and it completely shifted. I may not like the live the live music scene so much. I don't drink. I don't none of that. But seeing him in his element was just a great way to rekindle or even strengthen.
Jodi
Yes.
Carlee
Our energetic connection. So I love this example so much.
Jodi
That's my favorite one.
Carlee
Yeah, for sure. For sure. So we want to know for those of you who are listening, what have you tried personally? What have you and your partner tried to reconnect and has it worked? Let us know in the comments below. Now, I want to know, are you feeling overworked and exhausted? If you are, I've got some good news. The Stress Less company works with leaders, high achieving CEOs, business owners, managers, just like you to find that sense of peace and freedom that they desire. And as a result of our work together, they learn how to properly manage their time, tasks and energy so that they can experience more free time, efficiency and prosperity. Sounds pretty good, right? Well, if this sounds great to you, what you can do is apply for a complimentary stress, less assessment to start the conversation today about working together, visit stress less CO dot COM slash apply for more information and to apply. This concludes this episode of the Stress Less Show, and I want to give one last big shout out to one of my favorite people. Jodi, thank you so much for coming on the show.
Jodi
Thank you, Carly. I enjoyed every minute.
Carlee
Absolutely. So if you are listening and you enjoy this week's episode, let us know by giving us a big thumbs up and hitting that follow or subscribe button. Thanks for listening. Share if it resonated. And we will see you next week. Bye.