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Loving and accepting ourselves sounds a whole lot easier than it actually turns out to be. As we grow up and change, we all can find ourselves having to learn how to accept ourselves over and over and over again. Throughout our lives, we may reach points where we feel disconnected from who we are, and knowing where to begin to accept ourselves can seem so out of reach. That is why this week I brought on The Stress Less Show, Licensed psychotherapist Kira Yakubov, to begin to help us start truly practicing self-acceptance.
Self-acceptance is something that Kira herself had to learn over the years growing up as an immigrant from the former Soviet Union coming to America with her family. These two cultures that she found herself a part of - both at home and at school - led her to feel out of place and out of touch with her inner self.
“Having this internal struggle within me made me really confused about who I was and kind of where I belong in the world. So I started reading a lot of books about psychology and human behavior and just trying to understand myself.”
As she began to learn more and more about psychology and her own behavior, she began to not only find self-acceptance but also find a passion for helping others do the same. Now through her work as a psychotherapist, she has come up with a few tips for all of us that we can use to start fully accepting who we are.
Tip #1: Observe and learn about who you are and what makes you tick
The first step in any type of change is always awareness. that is why Kira's first step is to start investigating ourselves and our behaviors so that we are aware of those things in us that we may have trouble accepting. Kira recommends journaling as a way to start asking ourselves questions about how we view the world, how we view ourselves, and what behaviors we exhibit on a daily basis.
“Until we start asking ourselves some of these questions, it's really hard to make any changes or start to accept ourselves.”
By building this awareness we start to build a foundation within ourselves for genuine self-acceptance and compassion. Because at the end of the day, if we don't know what we're working with how can we possibly accept ourselves.
Tip #2: Focus on the progress instead of perfection
Another important tip for accepting ourselves is that is important to remember to slow down when it comes to self-love. We often want results instantaneously in our lives. While we may know we need to show ourselves love, a lot of us have a long way to go to get there.
Kira highlights just how normal this is for all of us. And the key is to remember that self-love is not just a destination, it is a journey and a journey takes time, patience, and the willingness to take one step at a time.
“It's those baby steps that are so important and that builds confidence. And it's that snowball effect that lets us continue on.”
Tip #3: Love and care for yourself as you would a small child
Kira's final tip is some serious self-love. We often hold ourselves to a higher standard than we hold others. As a result, a lot of the self-talk inside of our heads becomes rather negative. We're constantly beating ourselves up for the little mistakes we made or the things about ourselves that we don't necessarily like.
“The way we talk to ourselves is so much harsher than we would talk to anybody else.”
However, Kira stresses the importance of learning how to show ourselves compassion the same way we would show compassion to a small child or a best friend. When we care for children, we don't harshly criticize and berate them for every little thing. Instead, we look after their needs and show them love, encouraging them to be their best.
By applying this to ourselves and focusing on what we need to feel encouraged, we are inspired to be our best selves. It is from this mindset that we begin to reach a place of self-love where we can accept who we are - inside and out.