Anger is a Road Map

I have noticed a lot of my clients and workshop participants expressing that they are angry and resentful about certain situations in their lives. Resentment is one of the greatest teachers and can be a really useful road map towards navigating what your boundaries are. When you start to feel resentment the road map has presented itself to you and you're usually feeling that resentment because someone (including you) may have overstepped your boundaries. You might not even know that you had certain boundaries until somebody steps on them and you find yourself feeling upset and pissed off without initially understanding why. You might lash out and perhaps overreact in a way that even surprises you.


When you start to feel the anger rising, the first thing that you can do is ask yourself, ‘Why am I angry or resentful?’. ‘Is it because I went out to this event when I really didn’t want to go?’ or, ‘Is it because I am letting this person disrespect me?’ or ‘Is it that I am working too much?’. We have all had our boundaries overstepped and, very likely, overstepped someone else’s boundaries.


Where in your life have you had someone overstep your boundaries? This is the first step towards creating a wall for yourself.  I don’t mean a wall to shut everything and everyone our permanently, I mean a wall that protects you and creates a sacred space that serves you in a healthy way. A good example is of a woman who came to one of my Feeling Salty workshops. She was always finding herself at events, feeling obligated to be there while not wanting to be there. In the process, one of her best friendships was falling apart because she wasn’t speaking up about the fact that she didn’t like being in loud party environments. Her resentment was telling her that she didn’t like being in spaces that are loud and rambunctious. So the boundary that she needed to set was to express that although she loves her friend, she cannot go to loud parties or spaces that she didn’t enjoy. We created a system to help her say NO where she would respond to her friends’ invitations by saying that she needed to check her calendar first. Maybe she didn’t even need to check her calendar but by saying that she did create the space for her to reflect on whether she really wanted to go to an event or party and whether or not this event would create a strain on her friendship. 

Choose discomfort over resentment –Brene Brown

I love this quote by Brene as it stipulates that it is better to choose to have an uncomfortable conversation before you reach the point of feeling angry or resentful.


Jealousy is another common emotion that we sometimes get stuck with, but it is a potent guide that can show us what we actually desire. For me, I get jealous when I see people travelling because I'd like to travel more. When I met people who talk about their travels, I immediately go into a place of lack and, thus, jealousy strikes. Now I see this jealousy as a clear road map that I need to take that day off, book that ticket or simply plan a road trip outside the city.


I have also noticed many people feeling exhausted lately. I encourage you to look at exhaustion as a roadmap too, and navigate what the root causes are of this exhaustion and setting clear boundaries to protect and uplift you.


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